Apr 8, 2012

Pixie Dust part 2 ;**

I pulled him from his arm o he was now facing me, I placed my right palm on his right cheek and kissed him the exact same place he kissed me.

me: 3shan matgouly wain bosty

galby wegaf lmn 7sait ib her lips 3la 5ady, rdait lmait-ha b3d mara o trkat-ha m3na I really didnt want to.

rikabt syarty o ri7t shalaih wld 5aly.

mu3ath (wld 5aly): bu sul6an 6afik sh9ar

him: 5air

mu3ath: shft il banat ily kanaw 3l jet

him: mm

mu3ath: om il sh3r il ashqar yatny o galatly "lw sm7t wain ily kan esoug il jet il aswad" gltlaha ina mo mwjoud tadren shradat 3ly?

him: shgalat?

mu3ath: *Copying the girls voice* tgdar ta36e raqme leany aby akalma

3bala bastanas o ba5ith il rawam mna bs tboun il 9ara7a baly kan ma3a o her lips, aaah ya galby

mu3ath: akalm mno?

him: mu3atho maly 5ulgik int kalmha, 3jbtik?

mu3ath: ee walla 7ilwa

him: 3laik bl 3fia

ma adre mita btgoum o itha btgoum, lazem ashoufha il laila, bacher nazleen il dera o mny shyfha ila next weekend.

aaah ya araya shsawaity feny, bs laish it5afen miny b3dain itgolenly dont leave me!

o shino salfat all the scars on your body, kl hatha minich aw someone is hurting you
PIXIE, I have one word to describe my night with him.


but then something happened.

I went down to see him at around 2:30, it was dead silent but I could hear someone singing, but his voice my god was welcoming, soothing and sexy. I made my way down to the ba7ar wearing shorts and his hoodie and I saw him sitting there singing.

syr 3laina ya hawa syr 3laina

mishtag l3younik ta3al syr 3laina

He didnt notice me standing, I couldnt move his mere presence paralyzed me, and now hearing him singing one of my favorite songs, with his deep raspy voice, his body hunched over causing his shirt to outline every muscle. His dark complexion illuminating under the full moon's shine, his dark black shabby hair gently moving with the light breeze, the orange flame burning in his hand.

syr wshouf ily jara

fe '3aibitik 7aly bara

il noum mn 3aina sara

wna ant'6ir minik we9al

I walked over to him and sat down in his lap, sort of my back was facing his chest and he wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me closer to him as he rested his head on my shoulder. I tilted my head back, closed my eyes and just enjoyed him.

him: I didnt think you would come

I turned to my left so that I would be looking at him and hugged my knees to me chest.

me: its our last day I had to come

him: mo t3bana?

me: la

him: you warm enough

me: la

I looked up at him flashing him a cheeky smile and he quickly responded by hugging me tightly to him.

syr 3la laily wzour

hat il gumar 6wgny nour

malait mn kither il so2al

mishtag l3younik ta3al

I placed my hand on his cheek, he closed his eyes and placed his hand on top of me. He inhaled deeply then planted a kiss on my palm.

7arakta gave me goosebumps, not the kiss no just the way he closed his eyes and placed his warm hand on top of mine put me over the moon.

me: bu sul6an

tadroun she9er feny lmn itgoul ismy, aaaah

He opened his eyes and gave me a smile.

He closed his eyes once again this time he moved in close to me leaning his forehead against mine, and inaudibly whispered.

him: b3d mara

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the moment. I wanted to freeze time, I wanted to stay this way forever.

me: bu sul6an hold me tightly

He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer to him.

me: tighter

He held me tighter.

me: tighter

and tighter.

him: shfeech rytee?

I looked up at him and just smiled.

me: mafeny shay laish?

He pulled up the sleeve of my hoodie and traced my scar, with his head tilted he looked at me.

him: tell me what happened?

I just looked down with a tear escaping my eyes.

him: whenever you are ready

I just nodded and watched him leave a trail of kisses along my scar.

la jeteny kl il wfa2

wly hajarny lk y3oud

wldnya t'97ak ly wafa2

w ansa m3ak kl il wjoud

him: ma aby ahidich

me: dont

him: I have to

I didnt know if he meant now, or in general.

me: will you come next weekend?

him: akeed!

I just smiled and rested my head on his shoulder once again.

He was talking to me about everything. His childhood, his sisters, his parents 7sait I was so much closer to him but I said nothing.

I knew he was waiting but I just stayed quiet and he respected that.

His tone suddenly went serious and it scared me.

him: arooya aby agolich shay

I looked up at him terrified I dont know why I just want to scream and tell him please dont tell me I dont want to know.

7beebty shaklha 5afat, bs lazem agoulha ma aby tsm3 mn a7ad '3airy

him: um I was married, but got a divorce about a year ago

3ainha i6la3t

me: what?

wa5erat 3any o lmn misakt 2edha 9ar5t wna 5ift a7ad ysm3na

him: rayte just listen to me please

me: latsmeny rytik! I dont belong to you

him: hear me out intay laish im39ba?

me: leana I knew you were playing around wna .....

gmt laha o lmait-ha

him: intay shino

6al3tny w3younha kilha 7izn

me: wala shay aby aoru7 anam ta3bana

5altny o misht, bs gabl la idish il shalaih rka'6t laha s7bt-ha o I kissed her.

she pushed me away with a shocked look on her face.

ma adre laish sawait chithi bs I needed assurance ina she will talk to me again

shino ya3ne he was married? I know I should have given him a chance to explain but I couldnt handle it, it was such an amazing night I was happ, he was next to me so close to me, and now ....

now I know he belonged to someone else.

what if he still loved her?

what about me?

where do I fit in?

bu sul6an


Yup I made it home peacefully, I was suppose to go to Joun's to sleep over but the parents intervened, 3la 7a'6y. So here I am in bed, curled up waiting for my milk and grilled cheese sandwich and carrots in my pajama trying to not think about the thing that is slowly killing my insides.

Joun: hala 3my

Baba: hala 5air

Joun: 3my ana daga ast2then minik 3shan arooya tnam 3ndina bl bait

baba: la

joun: laish 3my ehya brou7a bl bait

baba: wintay 3ndich rylich bl bait hatha rayal '3reeb tben bnty itnam whwa mwjoud, ana mo lagy bnt bl shar3

joun: 5ala9 3my ily tshoufa

Hearing my father you would think he truly loved his daughter right?

3azzam: ha shgal?

Joun: nope

me: I told you, im heading home im exhausted.

His car was behind us the whole time, but I chose to ignore him.

I was itching to ask 3azzam about Bu sul6an's marriage but I knew they would be suspicious and honestly I am just not in the mood for a million and one questions. So as usual pixie you are the only one who listens to me, what would I do without you.


He was married.


Im sorry pixie but that is major, thats not oh I bought a yellow shirt NO he was married, he was legally bound to someone else, he might have loved, he made love to her o he just casually tells me k2na nothing happened.

I know I am over reacting, walla I do.

I know I should have listened to him WALLA I KNOW, but ...

I just dont know.

him: il salam 3laikum

parents: w 3laikum il salam hala 7beeby

him: hala feech yuma shlonkum?

mother: il 7imdilah 3yshen inta shlonick inshalah tsanast ?

wain asatnis w araya mo ra'9ya 3ny

mother: shfeek yuma

him: salamtich yal '3alya bs t3ban, wain rand?

mother: rand 6al3a

him: ha yuma ilsa3a 10 il wagt t25ar

mother: akeed yaya bl 6reej asawelik 3sha?

jara7: ee walla yuma myt you3

him: mino kalimak

jara7: yuma shofee

him: ily ysm3ik egoul 3umrik 10, 3l 3moum yuma ana brou7 3nd il shabab shway, jara7o btyey?

jara7: laa brou7 duwanyat 5waly

mother: alah e7af'6kum

ana laish I told her?

9a7 ily swaita?

akeed 9a7 leana a5af b3dain tsm3 mn joun aw 3azzamo mo 7lwa, o b3dain we arent even a couple yet o ma adre itha b9er shay fa ana laish g3d afaker feeha, bil6agaag 5ala9 7alha 7al ay bnt thanya!

many im3wr rasy

Calling 7beeb il rou7

bandar: 7beeb 2lby

him: 7yaaatie isht2tlak

bandar: imbayn wainik?

him: mako twny 6l3 mn il bait o mit'6yg

bandar: murny ana bl bait

him: yala thwany wkoun 3ndik

bandar, shagolkum 3n bandero 9deeg il 6foula mithel matgoloun kna m3a b3'6 bl madrisa o kanaw sakneen ymna bs they moved to a bigger house mn ziman

bandar: yala golee

him: hahaha shd3wa i3zmny bl awal b3dain agolik

bandar: yala johnny?

him: johnny

ri7na johnny il manshar o ma kan fa'9y a7la shay, 6lbna whwa myet ybny atkalam

bandar: ashkara 7bait

him: shdarak

bandar: a3rfik akthar mn nafsik mino ehya?

him: mny gyl mino bs agoulik il salfa

gltla kl shay

him: ily swaita '3al6?

bandar: la bs a7is st3yalt m3aha, shouf bu sul6an ma7ad e3rf int laish ti6alaqt '3airy ana o il kl 3bala inik you cheated on her o you never corrected them a7is lo na6er a7san, int ib nafsik itgoul il bnt has issues, o mnt 3rf kl shay 3nha o you dont even know if you she is serious ana I know you you dont play around you do serious relationships

him: ya bs I like her

bandar: what do you like about her? you dont know her

him: bs

bandar: mn '3air bs bu sul6an

him: emsh inrou7 3nd il shabab mn ziman 3nhum

bandar: uhma bl qahwa

him: yala

9a7 kalam bandero?

okay ma a7ibha, bs feha shay yajthbny ma adre a7is she needs someone to take care of her!

Roseline: who is he

me: haa

roseline: you always sit down thinking, you dont eat you just think I know there must be a man right

me: right

roseline: okay you dont want to tell me

me: not now rosey, you can read pixie later if you want

roseline: no I will wait for you to tell me

The week passed slowly, I think of him everyday and dream of him every night, he is visiting me in my dreams again but he is the perfect bu sul6an, the one who sang to me and hugged me that night on the beach before he dropped the bomb on me.

I miss that bu sul6an.

abee uhwa esyr 3ly!

a5eeeeran the week finished ma a9adg walla a6wal isbou3 ib 7yatie !

Im not going to the shalaih on Thursday my parents are coming, im going on Friday inshalah!

brou7 il shalaih al7en aby akoun mwjouda lmn teyey lazem afahmha kl shay
Bu sul6an has been misunderstood by his friends because of his marriage. In order for you to understand him as a character you have to go back in time with me to see what happened

June 2007

mother: yuma int mit2kd tabeha?

him: ee yuma 5ala9 il bnt dashat 5a6ry o abech itkalmeen ahalha

mother: ily tshofa yuma

father: ha shgal?

mother: im3zim 3l bnt

father: ana galby mo imry7eny 3la hal bnt sub7an allah m3na ahalha mashalah 3laihum wl ni3m feehum

mother: walla hm ana il bnt ma ry7atny o rand o 5awatik galaw nafs il shay bs shinsawi il walad im3zim

father: alah yaktib ily feh il 5air inshalah

No one approved of his choice, but couldnt say much since Bu sul6an had made his mind up. The engagement party was a month after that conversation and then the wedding took place in September.

They spent 2 wonderful weeks in Mauritius, then headed to Greece for a week and lastly Italy for a week so she could shop. They werent dating prior to their marriage but he loved her, she was caring, loving and attentive to his every demand.

She spoilt him rotten with her words, she always dressed up for him and constantly reassured him that no man has ever, and will ever fill her eyes except for him.

What more does a man want?

Early October they settled into his parents house where he had his own apartment, and that was when the problems started.

him: rand I cant talk to her

rand: akeed feha shay

him: ma adre dymn za3lana dymn mitnarfiza

rand: a5af 7amel

him: ma adre ma galat shay

Everyday he would talk to his sister about his wife.

He talked to his wife about her actions and she denied everything, claiming it was just that her marital commitments were taking a toll on her, since in the end they were strangers who are sharing a new life together.

A month after that things went back to normal, but he did notice she would go out more often, her phone no longer would be thrown around the apartment, it would stay by her side and as always on silent.

The signs were there but he chose to ignore them.

him: 7beebty ana 6l3 m3a il shabab shway o rd intay btrou7en bait ahalich 9a7?

her: ee 7beeby

him: 5ala9 3yal

He left the house believing she was going to her parents house, when in truth she had a date.

bandar: shfeek bu sul6ab

him: ma adre mo mrta7

bandar: 3sa ma shar

him: ma adre walla staqfar allah

He physically was with his friends and cousins that day, but his mind was elsewhere.

Jara7o Calling

bandar: hala iljr7y

jara7: bu sul6an m3akum

bandar: ee laish

jara7: abek tyeny mny 3arf shasawi

bandar: yuba shfeech sh9ayer goley

jara7: bandaro ta3al

Bandaer squeezed his mind for a legitimate excuse then headed to an apartment building where they saw Jara7's car.

jara7: tadry mino shft dasha il 3mara?

bandar: mino?

jara7: 5awla

bandar: murt o5ok?

jara7: ee

bandar: Bu sul6an's 5awla?

jara7: ee EE EEEEE murt o5oy, shft-ha ib 3ainy idish il 3mra m3a wa7id maska 2eda whwa lamha tbebt b3d agolik shino labsa?

bandar: la 7wl il allah, nan6erha lain ti6l3 wnkalmha

jara7: mn 9ijik?

bandar: 3yal?

jara7: ingoul 7g bu sul6an

bandar: he wont believe us

jara7: in9werha

bandar: he will think we photo edited it

So they waited, for 3 hours they waited outside the apartment building. Then finally saw her heading out alone, she was looking around as if she had committed a crime, scurrying to her car, but they were faster.

jara7: guwa ya murt o5oy

5awla: JARA7

jara7: ee jara7

5awla: bu sul6an m3ak?

jara7: shfeech 5yfa

5awla: mny 5yfa shfeek bs mist3yla aby arid il bait gabl la yo9al

bandar: 3shan you shower away his smell ha

5awla: i7trim rou7ik bandar

bandar: iklay 5arach ya bnt il ...

jara7: bandar!

5awla: ni6raw bs walla la a5aly bu sul6ab yaglub 3laikum

She slammed her car door and raced off him, where indeed she showered, slipped into her sexy lingerie, lit some candles and waited for her husband.

She knew he wouldnt say no to her.

She always knew how to tempt him.

She didnt know what was going on on the men's side. She suspected they might tell him but she had an alibi.

Dont they all?

him: sh.. shino ya3ne?

jara7: hathy il 9ar w7na shfnaha

him: 9ij bandar?

bandar: im sorry

Bu sul6an headed home. He could take the lying, he could take the attitude but for her to cheat no.

He knew something was up when he called her parents house and her nanny told him that she hasnt come.

He knew his mother would have covered for her.

5awla: guwa 7beeby

He welcomed her back with a slap on her face. She fell to the floor holding her cheek with her eyes fiery red.

5awla: 5alait-hum efiroun rasik 3ly? ma s2lt nafsik laish kan la7gny o5ok

bu sul6an: mo muhim

5awla: la muhum, o5ok ily int shad il '6ahar fee kl youm eyeny wgouly bs aby sa3a ma3ach wala ma agoul 7g o5oy

He looked down at her, his brother wouldnt dare right?

But its true, what pushed Jara7 to follow her?

5awla: walla 7beeby ana ma swait shay '3l6a bs ma 9ar shay baina, bs o5ok alah esam7a mo knt a7in 3laik ina ni6l3 shuqa bro7na?

him: ee

5awla: 3shan awa5er 3n o5ok alah esam7a

him: laish ma gltely? wala la akser rasy e'9aher ma 3rfna inrabeh hal 7ywan

Yes ladies and gentlemen, he believed his wife over his brother. A man who always put his family first was now putting his wife first. We wont go into details but he moved out of his parents house with his wife into an apartment, the signs were still there but he couldnt go back on his word, he just chose his wife over his family.

4 months of constant fighting, 4 months of checking on her phone, her messages, emails, saved documents, checking the mileage on he car, talking to her family and everything pointed towards her.

She lied.

She cheated.

She tricked him.

And worst of all, he fell for it.

He finally made his decision in February he was to divorce her, and when asked why since a year hasnt passed on their marriage.

He claimed he cheated, that marriage was not for him.

You see why they think he is a player?

Of course his parents forgave him they knew he was not the one to blame, but for months he couldnt find himself to look his brother in they eye.

But family always comes first and their relationship is now stronger than it ever was.

Now lets take a look at how are charming star reacted to his newly beloved not being in the shalaih.

Joun: you are early

Looking around waiting for her to step out of their car

bu sul6an: haa ee mako dawam ilyoum

Joun noticed he was looking for something.

Or someone?

Joun: 3azzam is here

bu sul6an: adre I wasnt looking for him

Joun: who were you looking for?

bu sul6an: ahahaha la ma7ad

Joun was suspicious but didnt want to believe her gut feeling.

February 29 9:50

My parents are back. Guess what happened?

me: 7imdilah 3la salamtkum

mother: alah esalmich, ana t3bana bnam

me: shloun safratkum yuma, inshalah istanastaw?

father: shrayich y3ne

sorry for asking, I sat down on the couch in front of my brothers, my father left us and I thought he went to join my mother but I was wrong. I suddenly felt someone grabbing my hair and throwing me onto the floor, I hit the floor so hard I could have sworn I broke something.

me: yuba shfeek

He walked over to me kicking me in the stomach and was about to stomp his foot onto my flung out arm when my brother's voice stopped him.

barak: yuba itha kasart edha lazem inwadeha il mustashfa o ta3al faker ib chthba ma tswa 3laina

They left me on the living room floor curled up crying from the pain I was in, now I know for a fact he broke something. Roseline and Loreta carried me up to my bedroom where they placed an ace patch on my ribs and wiped the blood from my lips and nose. Gave me some pain killers and let me sleep.

Joun walked over to Bu sul6an who was sitting on the beach looking irritated.

Joun: you better stay away from her

bu sul6an: haa

Joun: dont act stupid, I know who you were looking for ism3ny bu sul6an wa5er 3nha wla in drait inik kalmt-ha aw you tried to come into her life matloum ila nafsik

bu sul6an: I dont know what you are talking about

Joun: o 3la fkra all your silly games wont work on her, ehya ma56ouba o bs na6ra 5a6ebha e5al9 mn his phd 3shan yamlichoun

She was lying of course but she knew it would be the only way to stop him, even if he was thinking about approaching her.


SHLOUN?? o laish ma galalty wtsawe rou7a za3lana mny leana gltaha iny knt mitzawaj wna 7areg a39aby 3laiha wl bnt ma56ouba?

ana im serious wl bnt tl3b?

allah esam7ich ya araya, ana 5ala9 im leaving.

you wont see me anymore!

And with that, he got up excused himself from 3azzam and his family, got into his car and headed home.

will she ever see bu sul6an again?
Barak came into my room explaining to me why my dad decided to hit me was because of the phone call Joun made to him asking him if I could sleep over. He thought it was my planning when in truth I asked her not to but she thought it would be best for me since the whole incident with cutting my hands and all you know?

I have been thinking about him, a part of me wants to run to him and tell him screw the truth I just want to be with you, but another part of me says no I should listen to him and work on things from there but truth be told when will we be able to? I dont think I am going to the shalaih today I am scared to ask my parents I cant deal with another beating.

I sent Joun a message explaining everything to her. I guess I am staying home this weekend. I am so glad I have my own wing in our house where I dont have to deal with anyone, I cant see them its like I am living in a house full of strangers.

baba: roseline

roseline: yes sir?

baba: wain arooy

roseline: I think she is still asleep, you want me to wake her?

baba: la um did you check itha feha shay I mean mn ....

roseline: yes sir just some bruises nothing more, where would you like to have your coffee?

baba: tell Loreta to bring my coffee upstairs, where is madam?

roseline: out sir

baba: 6ab3an

I took a long shower hoping it would relax my bruised muscles, changed into a dress shirt since I wanted to go to the supermarket to buy some things I am missing. I dried my hair and headed out my wing making my way to the garage, when I was stopped by my father's calls.

baba: arooyty

me: hala yuba 9ba7 il 5air

baba: 9ba7 il nour yuba shlonich

me: il 7imdilah

baba: ha ry7a il shalaih

I looked up at him, I was speechless.

baba: shfeech yuba, mintay ry7a?

me: um la knt bg3ad bl bait

baba: la yuba rou7ay istansay itha tben agdar awdech itha ma fech 7ail you drive

Is this my father?

me: la yuba 3dee I can drive, it2merny 3la shay?

baba: la salamtich, bs 6amneny awal ma to9len

me: inshalah

I didnt want to wait any longer worried it was a trick, I even locked my door after me thinking he was testing me and then coming back to hit me but he didnt. I packed and headed to the supermarket, picked up some savory pastries, sweets and headed to the shalaih with a shining smile I was going to see him.

I was going to talk to him.

I was going to tell him I liked him and wanted to be with him.

My mind was set.

3azzam: ha wain arooy

Joun: she is on her way

3azzam: shfeech 7uby?

Joun: la salamtik, mm 3azzam

3azzam: hala 7beebty

Joun: what happened with bu sul6an and 5awla

3azzam: bu sul6an was cheating on her mn il awal

Joun: so why did he get married if he wanted to play around ahla didnt ask him, he was still young it just doesnt add up

3azzam: we all asked bs he just didnt want to talk about it

Joun: benam ehny il laila?

3azzam: la gal benam 3nd mu3ath

Joun: wld 5ala right?

3azzam: ee

Bandar: sh9ar?

him: ma 9ar shay laish

Bandar: tell me sh9ar

him: il bnt m56ouba

bandar: so laish mnt nayem 3nd 3azzamo


bandar: is she one of his cousins?

him: laa

bandar: 3yal

him: bnt 3m Joun

bandar: 9aber 9aber int mynoon?

him: shfeek bandaro?

bandar: 5wanha meyaneen suwalif banat o skr o safrat o hm il obo

hatha sh3rfa ib 5wanha?

him: how do you know them?

bandar: ana I dont know them personally bs tathker s3oud? ily kan m3na bl jam3a bs he had to drop out leana ma kan y7'6er?

him: ee

bandar: uhwa duwanyta m3rouf 3nha o I know ina uhma eyoun

him: shdarak??

bandar: ana st'3rbt lmn 3rfhum 3ly s3oud o I linked the family names o lmn s2lt-hum sht9er lihum Joun galaw bnt 3mhum so hathy their sister

him: okay bs il bnt shako

bandar: bu sul6an you think ahalik b5alounik t5ith wa7da ahla m3rouf 3nhum yshrboun?

him: haa mino yab 6ary il zawaj

bandar: 3yal ishtaby bl bnt ??


jara7: shfekum?

bandar: t3al ism3 o5ok yaby yl3b 3la bnt 3m Joun

jara7: ha mn 9ijik? gltlik wa5er 3nha

him: theb7touny bs siktaw zain la7ad ekalmny ma7ad la shu'3ul feny inshalah a3thbha ma7ad la shu'3ul kl wa7ed yay yitfalsaf 3la mu5y

I left them and headed out for a walk. I needed to clear my mind there was more on the line now, are her brothers really drunks?

Her father as well?

Is that how she got her scars, she drinks?

La no way!

girl: guwa

I looked around thinking the girl was talking to someone else but I was the only one standing.

him: hala

girl: shlonik?

him: il 7imdilah, b'3aity shay

girl: shfeek bu sul6an ma 3rftny

him: la wala mino m3y?

Pixie, let me refresh your memory remember a few entries back I mentioned few girls on a jet ski? One of them came to Mu3ath, his cousin, and asked for Bu sul6an and he said if you are interested in her you talk to her?

Well the dumb fuck did talk to her, AS BU SUL6AN, so ms.slut right here thinks this is the man who has been talking to her on the phone since this was the guy she wanted.


girl: shfeek 7beeby you beg to see me o when I finally agree you are acting cold?

okay let me clarify something, his cousin's shalaih is a few shalaih's away from 3azzam's family and when he got up for his walk he was heading towards our shalaih, yes. Where was I at the time? Sitting on the shore enjoying the water as it brushed along my feet, I happened to turn to my left and there I see him talking to this slutty girl.

Did I wait to see what happened?

Of course not.

I got up and marched into the shalaih FURIOUS at what happened.

Bu sul6an explained everything to the slut and then continued walking where he caught up with 3azzam and his cousins who were sitting outside enjoying a smoke. I dont think he noticed my car since I was parked all the way on the end. I didnt dare leave the living room, I couldnt see him because I would have just exploded on him.

Everyone gathered in the living room for dinner, and that was when he saw me, his eyes were about to pop out of his socket. He just sat there staring at me, while I sat there completely avoiding him.

At 12 I called it a night I was exhausted, but before heading to bed I looked out the window and saw him sitting on the hood of his car smoking talking to on his phone, akeed he would be on his phone talking to one of his girlfriends.

Ass !


I dont really, but I hate him.


March 2 7 am,

I woke up early and headed downstairs to make me a cup of warm milk and sat along the shore. The water was cold, the sun was warm, the beach was crystal clear it was beautiful.

him: 9ba7 il5air

I knew it was him, I didnt look around to face him I just looked down at my half empty cup and answered.

me: 9ba7 il nour

him: why are you up early

me: I slept early

him: aha, shfeech ma yetay ams

me: my parents kanaw msafren o ams w9law

him: 7imdilah 3la salamt-hum

me: alah esalmik

we just stayed quiet for a few minutes.

me: I saw you yesterday with your girlfriend, dont you think its wrong to meet her here

ay girlfriend? shfeeha hathy

him: ay girlfriend

me: oh 9a7 I think I have to be more specific than that since you have so many

what the ... mn 9ijha hathy!

him: ma3ndy girlfriends

me: sure

him: you are one to talk araya, you act all innocent like you are the girl who is broken the girl who needs attention when in truth no one knows what you have hidden up your sleeves.

He got up to leave.

him: alah yaster 3laich the whole innocent act isnt working on me

and with that he just left.
I know pixie its been while since I wrote anything, 5 days to be exact the thing is I hate writing, the only thing I write about these days is Him and I cant and I wont anymore because he doesnt deserve my time, or my energy.

Something happened, something I never in a million years thought would possible happen to me, leave the fact that my parents love to humiliate me, beat me to death, I can take all that because on the other end I knew I had Joun, 3azzam and his family but my mother stooped so low that Joun no longer talks to me, why you ask?

Take a look.

Joun kept calling my cell phone but I never answered, I think I beat the record this week for the amount of times my parents hit me. When I came back from the shalaih I was welcomed by a slap from my brother Barak, because he had too much to drink. I went upstairs to my room, before walking into my wing my mother pulled my from my hair which led me to fall on my knee because she claims I was not dressed appropriately since I was in a pair of cargo shorts and a plain white t-shirt cause seriously twny rada mn il shalaih mn lah 5ulg?

A few days after that, I think it was Tuesday ana knt ga3da at'3da m3ahum when out of no where my older brother, man9our, pushes me off the chair and pushes me up the stairs claiming "itlou3 chabdy lmn ashoufich ma agdar akel" Rosey brought me some food but honestly pixie wain ashtehy akel after my brother said that?"

anyways, so on Wednesday apparently Joun called our house since I didnt show up for our usual Tuesday dinner and a movie at their place and here is how the conversation went.

Mama: na3am

Joun: hala 5alty shlonich

mama: b5air

Joun: ugh 5alty Arooya 3ndich?

mama: ee shtaben feha

Joun: ehya il 3da tyena youn il thalatha o g3da adig 3laiha o matrid fa bs 7bait a6amn 3laiha

mama: tadren inich '3beya


mama: shftay shloun, sm3eny ya bnt oboch do you trust your husband?

Joun: akeed I do

mama: ahaa, 6yb do you trust bnty?

Joun: akeed 5alty arooya i5ty

mama: fat7ay 3ainich 3del ib hal dnya il kl yn5af mna intay ma la7a'6ty ehtmam rylich feha il zayad?

Joun: e3amlha mithel 5wata

mama: bs ehya mo i5ta ya Joun, ana omha o a3rf suwalfha 9adgeny lo ana minich ma a5aleha brou7a m3a rylich

In the end Joun is just a girl, and when it comes to someone you love you cant help but think you are putting 1 and 1 together and getting what you see. Joun closed the phone with her eyes filled with tears, and sat for a few minutes thinking about what her uncle's wife just said. 3azzam constantly asked about me, and when I wasnt around he would call and nag and nag until I showed up and when I did he would be smiling the whole time, and when I left he would be on edge claiming it was because he didnt know what my parents would to do me.

Yes pixie, can you imagine Joun my Joun my all and now she was turning her back on me?

I literally lost everyone.

Calling Bu sul6an

him: hala um 7areb

Joun: hala feek can I se you please

him: shfeech 3sa ma shar, 3azzam fee sha

Joun: la we are fine bs aby akalmik ib mw'9ou3 please

him: inshalah, ugh I just need an hour a5al9 mn il ahal o we can meet

Joun: okay, um can this remain baina please

him: inshalah

shfeeha Joun, sh9ayer? 3azzam fee shay aw worse arooya feeha shay? 9aber 9aber ana mo glt 5ala9 I wont think about her laish al7en g3d afaker feha.

allah yaster

Jara7: yuma b'3aitich ib kilmat ras

mother: 5air yuma

Jara7: yuma aby atzawaj

mother: inshalah yuma byey il youm ily titzawaj feeh bs bl awal na56ub 7g o5ok b3dain inta

Jara7: la yuma shloun tbeny an6ur bu sul6an a5af il bnt itrou7

mother: 3yal malik n9eb m3aha

Jara7: YUMA

mother: qa9er 7isik la tnsa g3d itkalm omik

him: sh9ayer shfeekum?

Jara7: ma yabouny atzawaj lain ma inta titzawaj

him: ha yuma sh-hal kalam, ana wa7id mny im3rs

mother: na3am?? la yuma latgoul chithi inshalah raby ewafgik m3a bnt il 7alal o 5ala9 inshalah awal ma na56ublik na56ub 7g jara7 hatha kalamy o mafy '4aira

him: jara7o latsheel hm inshalah ra7 ta56ub samar soon

jara7: 9ij ya bu sul6an

him: akeed yal '3aly ana maly '3airkum o inshalah rby yaktib ily feeh il 5air

jara7: inshalah

6l3t mn il bait b3d ma in'3thait mn kalam omy ri7t coffee republic 3shan ashouf Joun, wna galby mo im6amny!

Joun: hala bu sul6an thanks for meeting me

him: 5air joun shfeech sh9ayer?

Joun: *crying* 3azzam is cheating on me

him: *shocked* what??

Joun: *looking up at him* with ... ar...araya

LA LA LAA LAAAAAA mn wain tyey il mashakel, mn wain teyey hal m9ayeb

him: what are you talking about?

Joun: ilyoum omha galatly not to trust her o when I thought about it kil shay edil 3la kalamha

him: joun intay you know bnt 3mich, you have known her all your life wna I know 3azzam I have known him all my life he would never cheat on you lo shino 9adgeny he is a good guy

Joun: so are you but you cheated on 5awla

la 7wl il allah

him: sm3ny Joun I didnt cheat on her, she cheated on me o ana I took the blame

Joun: why did you do that

him: so people dont talk about her

Joun: bs everyone talked about you

him: ana rayal shayel 3aiby

Joun didnt know what or whom to believe, he walked her to her car holding her hands reassuring her that her husband was not cheating on her and that he worshiped the floor she walked on and he would never and will never look at anyone besides her.

Joun: I am acting childish right

him: hahah just a bit bs its okay its understandable

Joun: should I bring it up with him aw la?

him: la dont Joun ma tswa 3laich

Joun: okay

him: uggh

Joun: she is okay, listen bu sul6an she has seen hell in her life from her parents so just let her be please

him: inshalah

He was devastated, he could tell I went through a lot but at the same time something was pushing him away from me.

yet he wanted me.

Needed me.

maybe loved me?

I think I am beginning to fall for him.
mm, so today was interesting. Joun called me in the morning and she was crying, and when I asked her why and if she was okay she explained everything to me and asked me if we could spend the day together and we did. We had massages, facials, manis and pedis, got my hair cut, my body exfoliated, mm shino b3d, o akeed shopping it was a girls day out we had breakfast together and then lunch then we met 3azzam for coffee AND GUESS WHO WAS WITH HIM

aaah ya galby

aaah ya 3umry

aaah ya .... well you get the point right pixs?


Joun: haa 3azzam wainik

3azzam: mako m3a bu sul6an

Joun: ana w arooya are heading out for some coffee can you join us?

3azzam: ee akeed yala kana yayenkum

me: mino m3a?

Joun: bu sul6an, you dont mind right

me: haa la 3dee

Joun: ahaa

GALBY ra7 yogaf shino y3ne he is coming, shino y3ne bga3 m3a on a table, o asolif o asm3 sowalfa wshoufa, o I smell him, la o I cant even be close to him like the other times. Pixie I miss his lap, I miss his arms around me, I miss the way he smelt.

I just miss him, aah his voice, touching him, the warmth radiating from his body. Okay back to the what happened.

We headed over to Free Zone coffee republic got us a table outside, weird I know but the weather was decent plus the guys needed to smoke. I was on edge.

So nervous.


I just wanted to hold his hand and tell him im sorry, and that I want us to start over and that everything will be okay baina if we could just give us a try.


wow I never thought I would use that world, referring to me and someone.

Someone who I think I lost before I even had.

3azzam: hala hala

us: ahlain

him: shlonkum

Joun: il7imdilah

him: araya shlonich?

me: zaina

him: doum inshalah

I just smiled. I stayed quiet the whole time, I didnt say a single word. I laughed when they did, listened when they talked but my mind was numbed by his presence. He didnt stop talking ka2na ma 9ar shay which worries me because I feel like he was never interested, he was just playing around o this is why he is totally fine right now.

3azzam and Him excused themselves to sit with a few of their friends.

Joun: shfeech sakta

me: mafeny shay ana dymen sakta

Joun: well you werent before he came

me: mino?

Joun: babe I see it in your eyes

me: ahaha la you are mistaken ma baina shay o 3dee

Joun: ana ma glt ina bainkum shay bs you are interested

me: im not, he is just a hottie o bs nothing more nothing less

Joun: you would tell me itha bainkum shay right

me: akeed I would

Joun: Okay

The guys headed back to our table, laughing about something I lifted my gaze up to see him. He looked beautiful, I know pixie you wouldnt want to associate beautiful with a man but the way he looked...


Our eyes locked for what seemed like forever, I felt his stare rib into my rib cage and puncture my heart. I couldnt take it any longer I looked away quickly, and he dropped his head as he sat down.

Joun witnessed our little moment, but decided to stay quiet.

I am getting sleepy pixie.

and im tired, mentally and physically 5ala9 ta3bt dont I deserve to be happy?


March 9 5:49 pm,

Its Saturday and we headed to my grandparent's house, my mother's side of the family I know I havent talked about them or mentioned them but I actually love being around my aunts, they are the total opposite of my mother. My grandmother always asks me about my mother and if she treats me well, and I always put on my fake smile and pretend that I am the happiest person sitting there.

My mother comes from a lower class family, il 7imdilah 3ysheen but money isnt everything to them all they care about is being healthy, and being together and spending their time together and my father comes from a higher class family so you can imagine how my mother went bonkers when my father, whom everyone claims is a hottie, proposed to her and she was this young beautiful girl, she was the youngest of her siblings and for him to have chosen her made her head only grow bigger.

That is why she keeps referring to me as "jaikara" because honestly I am nothing compared to her beauty even now. Anyways, my mother got so engulfed in this new lifestyle and hit it off m3a 3maty o their outings so her my father got distant which is why they never had another child after me, like you know pixie they dont even sleep in the same room, but she raised his son to be "men" haaha so he kept her.

Back to my grandfather's house, I was sitting outside in the garden with the kids since I have no one my age or older for that matter so once again I am alone here as well.

saif: arooya

me: hala saif

I stood up to kiss him, he then sat down next to me. Saif e9er wld 5aly, my favorite uncle he is the youngest of his siblings, but he is 5 years older than I am I think. Mm, how to describe him, you know when you see a guy and he isnt hot at all but you just cant you eyes off him because something about him comforts you? That was Saif, the thing I adored about him was his very clear scar across both lips. He had pitch black hair it was shway long but it looked good on him, he had a very distinct nose o he had dumbo ears haha bs walla he looks hot !

saif: laish g3da bro7ich?

me: I needed some air

saif: I know the feeling

We stayed quiet but I could feel his eyes watching me.

me: shfeek?

saif: salamtich bs mashalah wayed kabrana

I didnt know what to say honestly, but I was blushing ma adre laish

saif: sorry ma jan qa9dy a7rijich

me: la 3dee bs I havent seen you in a while

saif: its been a year right

me: more like two

saif: il ayam tarku'6

me: yaa

saif: arooya mm fee a7ad ib balich?

me: shloun y3nee

saif: y3ne is there someone in your life you are thinking about

me: um la bs laish

saif: ha la bs so2al


saif: itha fara'6an tqadmatlich would you approve? adre I wont be able to give you the life your father gave you but I promise I will try to make you the happiest girl alive

ya galby 3laik I wish that was enough, I wish I could just be happy.

but he isnt him.

saif: ana asif araya adree its not right iny akalmich mfrou'6 arou7 3nd ahalich bs ana knt aby a3rf rayich bl awal b3dain akalmhum inshalah

me: mm, 3n ithnik Saif

I got up and left him, I turned around slightly to look at him and he was smiling. Like a dorky smile happy. What am I doing, am I running after a guy he doesnt want me, when there is a guy right here who not only wants me but wants to marry me.

Why am I even thinking about him.

I should give Saif a shot.


Its THURSDAY, I know I havent written in a while but this week was stressful in terms of work, Sama2 shway 7na bs she is nice she helped me out wayed, she pushed for my ad and they wanted it which was good and bad, good cause I get to put my name behind it bs bad leana I have to supervise every single detail.

Tuesday I went over to 3azzam's and Jouns for dinner, he was there but I didnt see him he came over to drop off something and quickly left. He is going to be the death of me honestly. Anyways so I came to the shalaih since my parents were having a dinner party and my mother asked me not to be there SO I dont embarrass her o I forgot to mention the best part they are letting me sleep over 3nd Joun dont ask me why something about my mother traveling or my brothers traveling there was a lot of screaming thats all I remember.

So, i7m here is what happened, once again I couldnt sleep so I went out for a stroll and he was there and I didnt know what to do, I didnt know if I should approach him aw walk away.

I decided to head over to him.

me: do you mind?

pointing at the spot next to him

him: 7yach

it was awkward silence for 10 minutes

me: so?

him: shfeech

me: mafeny shay laish

him: you sat down next to me because you wanted something right

me: um la mo shar6 I saw you sitting alone so I wanted to keep you company so if you dont want me here I can leave

him: what the hell is wrong with you

me: mafeny shay inta shfeek!!

him: theba7tney

me: 7aram 3laik you accuse me of things, you say I am acting innocent I am not acting, if you only knew the things I have been through, the things that I saw ....

He got up and was left me he looked upset.

Saif Calling

I took a deep breath and answered, thinking bu sul6an left.

me: hala saif

saif: hala arooya shlonich

me: b5air inta shlonik

saif: il 7imdilah, ugh ga3dtich?

me: laa knt ga3da mny gadra anam

saif: laish 3sa ma shar

me: its nothing bs um are you okay?

saif: ee bs walaht 3laich


saif: arooya

me: hala

saif: haha agolich walaht 3laich

me: ma adre shagolik

saif: ma wilhaty 3ly

I didnt know what to say

me: um embala walaht 3laik


I heard someone behind me and when I turned I saw him walking away, he was standing there the WHOLE time, he heard me talking to saif.

He heard me tell saif I missed him.

Okay I wasnt completely lying, bs still.

me: um saif shway o akalmik

I closed it from him o quickly got up to follow bu sul6an.

me: BU SUl6AN let me explain please its not what you think he is my cousin

him: .....

me: please rd 3ly


he grabbed me from my arms, o he was grip hurt I started crying.

him: golely araya tkfain golely what do you want from me walla ana t3bt I dont know how to talk to you or how to treat you walla ana t3bt ana a7.....

3azzam: BU SUL6AN

I looked up at him I wanted him to complete his sentence, but 3azzam's voice shook us silent.

3azzam: HDHA

He let me go and looked down at me terrified. 3azzam ran over to me hugging me.

3azzam: are you okay? did he hurt you?

I was just crying.


him: ana ... I ..... ma .... ma adree ma adree

3azzam: SHINO YA3NEE ??

me: BS !!!! ENOUGH 5ALA9 please 3azzam ma 9ar shay please 5ala9

I looked up at him

me: 5ala9

him: im sorry

3azzam walked me into the shalaih and he headed to his car.

The was the last time I see him.

A month passed by and I didnt hear from him.

I didnt see him.


absolutely nothing.

Life is a bitch.

Joun: shfeech

me: nothing

Joun: you have been down lately, if I knew better I would say you have been this way since ......

me: please dont not again

Joun: mm okay 3la ra7tich aby agolich shay

she was smiling, she looked happy and I was envious of her. I have been miserable for the past month, do you know how bad it is?

I start trouble home so they hit me, because I cant feel anything I am so numb. I have been smelling perfumes hoping to find his but no luck. I wear his hoodie all the time but his smell is fading away and its killing me.

I just need him, walla I am willing to lose everyone else to just gain him.

Joun: babe

me: sorry what did you want to tell me?

Joun: im pregnant

I jumped out of my seat and ran over to her to hug her. She has wanted this for the past year and il 7imdilah she finally is.

me: mabroook 7beebty I am so happy for you raby etamim inshalah

Joun: dont get mad bs I have known for 3 months now but I havent told anyone, not even 3azzam leany knt 5yfa but I just got back from the doctor o il 7imdilah im done with my first trimester and everything looks great, I just need to start gaining a bit of weight.

6ab3an I was in tears

me: ya galby I am so happy for you I cant wait until we go baby shopping and I want to be in charge of the nursery please

Joun: shway shway 3ly let me first tell 3azzam

me: you havent told him yet?

Joun: no no our anniversary is in few days inshalah then uggh I am so happy I keep looking at myself in the mirror afraid ina im showing

me: you arent but is that normal?

just as she was about to answer me when 3azzam walked in.

3azzam: JOUN

Joun: hala 7beeby

3azzam: baby please bu sul6an ta7at ma 3laich 2mer itgolen 7g Lidia itsawe chai o gahwa

me: I brought dessert

Joun: inshalah 7beeby

3azzam headed up to their room to take a quick shower, as he claimed and Joun went to find lidia SO I snuck down the stairs and heard him talking on the phone.

Ugh his voice, I missed his voice. I wanted to turn around to head back upstairs but accidently hit a vase and dropped it. I heard it shatter, but the thing I noticed was he stopped talking and when I looked up his jaw was dropped and his phone was help mid air.

him: arayty

I just looked at him with a tear in my eye.

ee araytik, im yours!

ma aby '3airik

Joun: 7uby are you okay?

me: um ugh um I .. I .....

I looked at him, waiting hoping for an excuse.

Joun: um I take it you said hi to bu sul6an?

I nodded.

Joun: we should head upstairs before 3azzam comes down.

She shot him a look, then she put her arm around me ushering me up the stairs.

me: I just wanted to

Joun: I know

I just miss him.

April 23

him: yuba mn 9ijik

father: ee ana glt mako zawaj

jara7: yuba tukfa aby il bnt wna twa'6ft o I have been saving yuba aby il bnt

father: HA jara7o 5al9 lmn bu sul6an ytzawaj inzawjik

Jara7 stormed out of the living room, words couldnt describe how mad he was. He walked down to his grandmother's room.

jara7: yumaa

grandmother: hala yuma shfeek 7beeby

He laid down on the couch placing his hand on her lap as she played with his hair.

jara7: yuma kalmay oboy mo ra'6y atzawaj wna abeha, abe ily bnt o ma beha itrou7 walla amout

grandmother: smila 3laih ya b3d 3umry inshalah ily taby b9er int bs hd balik o 5l il mw'9ou3 3ly bs gouly mino ehya?

jara7: aaah ya yuma aah Samar ma5tha 3gly o galby

he turned around to look at his grandmother.

jara7: a7ibha

grandmother: whya?

jara7: ma adree yuma it-haigain ra7 ter'6a feny?

grandmother: akeed inta shai5 il shabab

him: wana?

grandmother: inta o5o shai5 il shabab

him: afaa yuma

grandmother: hatha il '3aly hatha jara7

him: 7aram 3laich

grandmother: inta rou7 3nd yaditik il thanya ehya idl3ik

him: haha itfrgen baina

grandmother: la ya b3d ahaly inta ta3al yuma klkum '3alen bs hatha dalo3 shway

him: ahahaha 3yal barkela

Jara7 sat up

jara7: 3la shino??

him: kalamt oboy o 5ala9 gal okay

jara7: mn 9ijik??

him: ee walla

jara7: winta?

grandmother: inshalah nlgala bnt il 7alal

him: la tw il nas 3ly

wain afaker bl zawaj wna mny gader asheel araya mn baly

jara7: inzain mita omy btkalmhum? o mita ngdar namlich?

His grandmother smacked him.

jara7: shfeech yuma a5af e'3yroun ryhum

mother: mino ily b'3ayer raya?

jara7: ha la ma7ad yuma

him: goum goum inrou7 il gahwa 3nd il shabab

lazem akalmha, aby akalmha bs shloun?

May 14th

Joun: hala 3azzam

3azzam: ha 7uby wainich?

Joun: bl bait arooya 3ndy inta wainik

3azzam: raye7 il duwnya sm3tay 3my wafaq 3la Jara7o

Joun: laa mabrook when will it be official?

3azzam: ma adree na6ren bu sul6an

Joun: laish bu sul6an 3nda dawam

bu sul6an? shfee sh9ayer o laish mabrook???

3azzam: lazem ekoun mwjoud 7g il milcha baby shfeech

Joun: ee 9a7 its a milcha hahaha

milcha??? milchat mino??

o laish bu sul6an has to be there?

is he getting married?

is he leaving me?


Joun: araya ... ARAYA ..... 3azzam ta3al bsr3a please

bandar: shfeek bu sul6an

him: staqfar allah 7as ina 9ayer shay

bandar: la mako ila il3fia inshalah

him: madree bandaro 9adgeny 9ayer shay

Bu 7areb Calling

allah yaster

him: hala bu 7areb

3azzam: bu sul6an tukfa ta3aly bl amery

him: shfeekum sh9ayer

3azzam: araya araya

ana gmt bsr3a o s7bt bandaro m3ay

bandar: shfeek

him: araya ... araya bl mustashfa
I was pacing across the hallway waiting for the doctor to come out or for Joun to come out bs mako. 3azzam was tense, o bandar was trying to keep me calm 3shan it doesnt show.

fuck it let it show bs lazem a3rf if she is okay lazem a3rf itha feha shay .... sh9ar a9lan

him: MA 9ARAT

bandar: hd balik bu sul6an inshalah mako ila il 3fia

Barak: 7ilo 7ilo il shabab klhum mityam3en 3nd i5te

3azzam: barak shlonik

Barak: wain i5ty?

3azzam: il dictor ma 6al3 bs Joun 3ndaha

The doctor walked out o kilina r7na 9ouba bs o5oha 36ana na'6ra

barak: shfeeha

Dr: inta mino

barak: o5oha shfeeha?

Dr: mako bs il bnt wayed stressed o yalha inheyar 39aby o abeha tirta7 3ndina

barak: la la brdha il bait al7en

Dr: 3la mas2oletik bs lazem trta7

barak: haha ee inshalah latwa9y 7aree9

o5oho ra7 he signs the discharge papers o 3azzam dash eshoufha walla knt aby athba7a !!

bandar: bu sul6an 3shany ma naby mashakel

him: shft o5oha?

bandar: I told you about them

him: il bnt lazem trta7 whwa bwadeha il bait shloun SHLOUN

bandar s7bny o wa5arny shway 3n il bab

bandar: int mo glt 5ala9 you are over him

him: IM NOT

bandar: okay I can see that, you need to talk to her my9er it'9il 3la hal 7ala

him: ma adre shasawi bandero walla mny gader ashelha mn baly

bandar: you need to tell her

him: inshalah 5alha itgoum bl salama o e9er 5air

we turned around o shfna o5oha dash 3ndiha b3dain we heard shouting.

barak: e6l3 bara hathy i5tee!

3azzam: i5tik bl ism bs fee o5o e6iq i5ta shft the scars on her body

barak: mashalah wnt ish3rfik ina i5ty has scars on her body wintay ya madam Joun 3jbich kalam rylich

Joun: barak 5ala9 just let me take her home m3ay il laila o you can take her tomorrow

barak: LAAA yala jidamy

he literally pulled me out of the bed and shoved me in front of him. I stepped out of the room and I saw him I didnt want to see him.

I didnt want him to see me like this.

not this way.


me: Joun joun please please aby arou7 m3ach ma aby arid il bait please

I was hysterically crying o he was standing there frozen in front of me

barak: iklay 5arach e'6ahar m3 3rfna inrabech ni6ray bs man9our mit7alif feech

Joun: barak please 3shany dont hit her not today

hit her?

they hit her

barak: haha 5air inshalah

the next thing I knew he was walking over to me, but he didnt look like he was happy to see me. A9lan he wasnt even coming to me, he was walking towards my brother and out of no where he threw a left hook knocking my brother loudly onto the floor.

barak: ahaha la o yayba il 9a7ib b3d

him: i7trim nafsik

bandar bsr3a ya o s7bny bara il mustashfa leana wala lo g3dt chan theb7ta

him: wala in jas-ha walla athb7a !

bandar: inta bs hd balik bs al7en shtgoul 7g 3azzam

him: bandar a7ibha mo hamny 3azzam wla '3aira a7ibha

the whole drive home I was crying, I knew they were about to kill me but it didnt matter I didnt care I was worried about him.

what was he thinking?

what did they tell him?

did he even care?

Barak dragged me out of the car, I wished it was man9our he wasnt as harsh but my father o barak pushed him. He threw me on the ceramic floor and instantly I passed out. The next thing I remember is me waking up in bed, aching all over.

I couldnt move.

Breathing hurt me.

I saw Rosey next to me in bed crying. I turned to look at her trying to smile but I couldnt smile. Everything just hurt.

Roseline: sunshine how are you feeling?

I just looked at her I couldnt even talk, I touched my lips and it was swelled up.

I tried opening my eyes but it hurt.

I tried moving my body, it killed.

Roseline: dont move, are you thirsty?

I nodded slightly.

A painfu tear escaped my eyes.

I had to stay in bed for a week, my father called my boss explaining to him I wasnt feeling well and they used my report from the doctor to send to the office.

Joun was banned from coming to the house. But Roseline would call and tell her how I was doing. After a week I was able to get out of bed and move. That was when I was ordered to have lunch with them.

baba: mako 6al3a mn il bait '3air 7g il dawam o 9adgny ra7 a3rf itha r7tay mukan thany sam3a

me: inshalah

bandar: bu sul6an we cant just hang out bara bait-ha 5ofick a7ad eshoufna

him: I dont care

bandar: inzain int shnawi 3laih?

him: aby akalmha

bandar: shloun

awal ma s2lny bander shft 5damt-hum trkab m3a il sayeg fa li7agt-hum o awal ma they parked bl jam3ya ri7tlaha

him: excuse me you work in arayas house right?

roseline: yes who are you

him: I am her friend how is she doing

roseline: she doesnt have friends who is boy what do you want

him: please tell me how she is

roseline: are you bu sultan?

him: how do you know

roseline: I want to show you something, come to the house tomorrow at 12 no one will be home I will show you

him: please ugh

roseline: rosey

him: *smiling* please rosey give her my number I need to know she is okay

rosey took my number o galatly she will give it to her, inshalah she does.

Saif Calling

me: aloo

saif: hii

me: *crying*

saif: shfeech araya shfeeech??

me: walla bmout saif walla mny gadra a3esh m3ahum

saif: sh9ayer 7beebty tell me

so I did, I told him everything.

saif: 5ala9 bakalm omy 3shan a56ubich o I save you mnhum


saif: I know you dont love me bs you need someone to rescue you please let me take care of you

me: saif someone is coming akalmik b3dain

Roseline: who were you talking to?

me: saif

Roseline: what did he want

me: *turning to give her my back* to save me

Roseline came up with a decision she wont give me his number, nor will she show him my diary. She believed love shouldnt hurt.

It should be easy.

It should make me smile and not cry.

And she saw how much I cried.

Was I in love?
I was asleep and woke up suddenly. I had a feeling he was close, I knew I was only dreaming because why would he be here, why would he be close to me.

me: rosey

roseline: yes

me: um, can I go outside shway

roseline: NO

me: shfeech?

roseline: nothing but your mother is sitting downstairs and if she saw you she will ask many questions.

she was right, so instead of going out to the garden where I could see anyone who was parked in front of our house I decided to take a shower and watch some tv.

il sa3a 12, 9arly sa3a na6er rosey bs she hasnt come out to me yet ill wait for another half an hour ma waray shay

He waited.

For an hour and a half he waited for Rosey but rosey never came out to him. She believed Saif was better for me.

I am starting to believe that as well.

Saif Caling

me: hala saif

saif: hala feech ha shlonich ilyoum

me: il 7imdilah zaina

saif: no work?

me: um baba decided I could take some time off

saif: and you?

me: I dont have a voice in this household

saif: b3d 3umry


saif: shfeech 7yatie

me: saif please dont

saif: wala ma agdar bs im sorry

me: um b'3ait shay?

saif: la bs 7bait as2l 3nich, a5alech al7en akalmich b3dain

me: inshalah bye

saif: bye

roseline: saif?

me: yes

roseline: you like him?

me: 3dee

roseline: ahaa

May 28th 4:00 pm

My life was boring, 2 weeks after that conversation with Saif I was feeling much better and was able to move around the house and that was when my father dropped a major bomb on me!

father: arooy

me: na3am baba

father: ana kalamt Dr.3bdullah o gltla inich wayed t3bana o you wont be coming into work until you feel better

me: um what what do you mean?

father: ya3ne mako dawam '3beya?

me: bs baba

barak: HA galich mako dawam 5ala9 intay mo nag9ich shay laish tsht'3len b3dain intay wain btro7en

me: .......

I sat down with them for coffee, then excused myself since my brothers headed up for their naps, my mother was meeting friends and my father, well I just dont know honestly.

I cuddled into bed, since I just dont have any energy to do anything, popped in my Season one of two and half men and started watching.

Joun: surprise

I jumped out of bed and ran into her

me: does baba know you are here?

Joun: ee I talked to him I missed you

me: me more

Joun: no tears

me: you are showing

Joun: ugh I know everyone was mad for not telling tell them, tell me how are you how are you feeling samar told me you quit your job.

me: well I was forced to baba talked to dr.3bdullah

Joun: Sama2 said ina your job will be there for you whenever you come back, also I have news

me: good news

Joun: great news, guess mino milach 3la Samar

my heart was going a mile a minute, was it him?

was it Bu sul6an.

me: um mino

Joun: shfeech 5yfa

me: haha la im not bs im just upset ina I couldnt attend

Joun: Samar called you bs your phone was off o when I gave her your house phone they said you were busy

me: ill call her b3dain I got my phone back

Joun: so you dont want to know who it was

me: I think I know who

Joun: how?

me: its pretty obvious dont you think?

Joun: really I never saw it

me: anyways shgal 3azzam 3n the baby

Joun: oh 7beeby kan mistanis

me: il 7imdillah

roseline: hello beautiful ladies

Joun: rosey how are you

roseline: ay you are showing so soon

Joun: haha not soon I am going into my fifth month

roseline: mashalah I make grilled cheese sandwich okay

me: la maby

Joun: bring them malich shu'3ul feha *turning to me* you are eating

Joun got into bed with me and I placed my head on her lap she played with my hair as I drifted off in thought.

I wasnt thinking about him, I was thinking about Saif.

him: mabrook

jara7: alah ebarik feek il fal lik inshalah

wain whya wla darya 3n 7aly

bandar: shft wyhik

jara7: I cant stop smiling

mu3ath: doum inshalah ha mita il 3rs ajahiz il motor?

jara7: wain tw il nas 3l 3rs

bandar: laish ?

him: uhma zain re'9aw yamlichoun al7en, bl awal galaw 5u6ba bs mykalmoun b3'9 b3dain 3azzamo gal ina lazem yt3rfoun 3la b3'6 o bl a5er 3ma re'9a bs gal ina ma y6l3oun alone o ina itha bshoufha lazem eyey il bait

jara7: il zibda wayed rules bs 9arat ly

ib 3umra kilha ma shft o5oy mistanis mithel hal la7'6a alah etamim 3laihum inshalah walla they deserve each other

mita eyey il youm ily ana o araya inkoun m3a ba3'6 o lail7en mny 3arf salfat ahalha, mino e6igha o laish?


I fell asleep and Joun didnt want to wake me up, she pulled a pillow to rest her back and saw pixie. She knew I never hid anything from her, that wasnt my style but at the same time she felt that I was keeping something to myself.

She reached over and opened the page where my pen was.

She read

and read

and read

and all she saw was


bu sul6an

i miss him

I love him,

I think I love him




oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, she likes him ... la la SHE LOVES HIM wna 7mara I was so mean about her and him, aww her and him

bs wait, WAIT

we cant be happy just yet I have to talk to him okay think Joun think.

1 comment: