Apr 8, 2012

Pixie Dust part 1 ;**

Once Upon A Time,

In a place that might not be so far away from your own neighborhood, there was a girl maybe not so different than you; a neighbor, a family member, the girl down the street or maybe the girl you sat next to in Arabic class all throughout high school. She was like any other girl, well she had both parents, and two half brothers from her father's side.

You see her father was married, and his wife passed away when their sons were young, he then married her mother who raised the boys as her own children. Growing up all she heard was girls bring shame to their family which is the main reason behind her being neglected by everyone.

Her brothers would hit her then run along and complain about her not listening to them, and yup you guessed it her father would hit her.

They twisted her ankle, pushing her down the stairs they told their mother that "ehya kanat bara il bait w7na nadainaha bs ehya in7ashat mna fa 6a7at o 3wart rou7a" her mother locked her in her room for a month after she got the beating of her life.

So yes, maybe she isnt your typical girl, she might not be the girl you know or the girl next door but she was a girl who suffered all her life. She grew up thinking that all brother's hit their sisters, all father's hated their daughters and all mothers completely neglected their daughters.

She turned into a quiet, shy girl. Never making friends, never talking to anyone, never sharing her feelings, anything she felt she wrote down in her diary, anything she wanted she asked her nanny who would ask the mother or father.

The only friend she had, was her cousin. She was much older than her and was recently married but she got the love and attention she needed from a mother from her cousin.

Years passed and the star of our story grew up and started working, she loved her work because it took her away from home. Now, they just stopped asking about her. They would all go out as a family, but she was never asked. They would plan a trip when they knew she couldnt take time off work.

But this is not what our story is about, its not about our star complaining about her miserable life, or about her family.

No No, not at all. Our story is far from it really. You see, of course there is a guy, there ALWAYS is a guy because in the end would you really be reading this if you knew there wasnt a guy?

aha, I thought so.

So, lets talk about him shraykum?

Hahaha, calm down ladies 9adgouny ra7 tshb3oun mna. We are going to be calling him Bu Sul6an, thats what they call him. Names arent always important, plus we are trying the whole "Mr. Big" thing !

He was tall, very tall. Dark, and yes of course handsome, rugged, bad boy look with the messy hair, dirty beard, dark mysterious eyes that could make any girl melt in her place and lips that you just wanted to suck on all night long. Yes ladies and gentleman that was the man she wanted. That was the man who interested her.

This is going to be a "dear diary" type of story, I know how repetitive but it fits our story, since our star only writes in her diary.

So, readers, do you want to read about Bu sul6an?
Oh I forgot to mention, this is not another Cinderalla story I assure you
February 14, 4:54

Finally the day is over, it was such a long day at work but I love being there I loved being away from home, staqfar allah, we9alt il bait o I was welcomed by my father. I dont know if welcomed is the right word, bs apparently my parents and brothers are off to Greece for a week.

Baba: Aroooy

me: sm yuba

baba: sm allah 3dwich, yuba i7na ry7en il ma6ar b'3aitay shay?

me: um la yuba salamtik, ana brou7 il shalaih 3nd Joun

baba: intay shako itrizen wayhich 3ndihum hatha shalaih ahal rylaha, ma tist7en?

me: yuba ma aby ag3ad bl bait bro7y

babe: staqfar allah walla inich bilsha kaifich saway ily tbena mo hamny

His words stopped being harsh, I was use to them so were her words, my mother. Growing up all I heard was kilmat "jaikara" and it was always associated with me. In the end im only human and growing in a household like min akeed ma3ndy confidence, none whatsoever, I stare at reflection in the mirror okay there is nothing special about me, nothing at all bs I love my eyes and everyone who knows me praises my 3slya eyes ily imka7len mn allah, which means less make up. Aah, I wish I can scream out bs mino ra7 yism3ly, mino ra7 yihtam feny, ma 3ndy '3air Joun.

Jouny Calling

me: jouny

joun: hala 7uby, shlonich?

me: il 7imdilah, you?

joun: tired, bs no complaints listen i7na twna wa9len il shalaih you are coming 9a7 ?

me: ee akeed ma7d ib baitna they traveled o maby ag3ad brou7y ill just shower pack o ayekum

joun: okay 7beebty, 7yach allah bs please drive safely

me: inshalah

I love her husband's family. They treat me like their own daughter. Anyways enough complaining for now pixie, ill let you know the days event before bed.

I took a shower, packed my clothes o headed out. I made a quick stop bl jam3ya leana aby ashtery junk o I think sharait il junk isle kila, the clerk gave me a look.

Which I brushed off.

People who meet me think im weird, I might be ma adre bs I like to keep to myself. I dont know how to make small talk to meet people, 7tan bl jam3a knt dymen ag3ad front row I take my notes o leave class. I took back to back classes 3shan I dont have free time to "socialize" with people. I dont pay attention to people, both men and women, mostly because I know no one is looking at me in interest, because I am just another girl in the crowd.

a5eran we9alt, aah so I make my way into the shalaih greeting everyone, this was my family not my parents.

Joun: hot stuff

me: look who is talking, wain il banat?

joun: g3den 3l yal rou7elhum o 3azzam o the guys bara barbecuing

I stepped out of the main door heading to the patio to say hi to 3azzam, Joun's husband bs I was struck by a rock hard body.

Bu Sul6an: sorry sorry sorry ma shftich

ana knt 6y7a 3l ar'6 rif3t 3ainy to look at this greek god in human form. My jaw dropped but I quickly realized what I was doing o just stood up completely ignoring him, 3azzam and his cousins and just headed to the girls who were sitting on the chairs on the sea shore.

Bu Sul6an: shfeha hathy

3azzam: wayed tist7y 5alha malik shu'3ul feeha

Bu sul6an was watching, and I knew he was I never pay attention to guys.

NEVER

3azzan: agolik malik shu'3ul feha sam3

Bu sul6an flashed him a naughty smile as he took a sip of his coke.

Bu Sul6an, what can I say about him its true I already introduced him bs to sum up his attitude, his looks, his intentions in one word I would have to say shai6an, HOT, bs shai6an.

11:30

I couldnt help but stare at him, he was really attractive bs I know he wasnt looking at me interested, he was just looking at me because no one does. No one is interested in me, look at me and look at the girls ily ma3ay mashalah kl wa7da a7la mn il thanya, i7na bl shalaih o they still look absolutely flawless, with their perfectly outlines eyes, their radiant skin, perfectly done hair o me, well, pixie, you know me I am not into my looks "jaikara" remember?

anyways im off to bed now, I am exhausted.

___________________________________________________________________

I woke up early to join the aunts and uncles for breakfast, we then all went in for a dip. I loved being in the water, its as if it washed my cares away. Their boy cousins squirted us with water from the jet ski, took the children out for rounds, and then joined us for a game of water volly ball, I sucked. We had lunch on the outside dining table since the children weren't ready to leave the water, neither were we.

We took showers, took a quick nap then headed out 3l ba7ar for another barbeque.

Bu sul6an: kl tibin zain walla she is just a friend

s3oud: 5air inshallah

bashar: alah yarzigna friends mithlha

Bu sul6ab: ya5e walla ma baina shay shfekum

3azzam: salamatik ya 7beeb 2lby, mi7taren minik sm3na inha 7ilwa 9ij 3ad?

He walked away from them annoyed, this was everyones perception of him, that he was a player who loved girls and was always with girls. Yes, he always was with girls but there never was anything beyond an innocent friendship. He went to a private school and was a joy to have in every class, which is why the girls were drawn to him as a friend, because he was so easy going.

Bu sul6an was misunderstood by his friends, like any man he did look at girls, he talked to girls but he was never and I repeat NEVER was in a serious relationship, he didnt understand the pretense of a relationship when you didnt know the outcome. IF you liked her, then you should walk in from the front door. His thoughts and his actions were contradicting to each other. If you saw him you would say he was player, and expert in that field but in truth he loved staying home with his parents and younger siblings.

3azzam: bul shabab la tiz3al we are just teasing you

Its true, he was deep in thought but not about his friends teasing him, he was watching me. I, on the other hand curled down next to Jouny enjoying the cool sand beneath me. I looked up at the full moon, then looked at the shalaih the children running, laughing with no worries. I didnt have a childhood, and sometimes envied children who did, but quickly brushed those thoughts away because il 7imdilah ana mo2mina o adre ina 7gy ma ra7 e'9e3 3nd raby, I just have to wait for it, or him?

3azzam: 7beebty *he called out for his wife*

Joun: hala 7beeby dgeega *Joun finished her sentence with me then got up brushing the sand off her behind as she headed towards her husband*

I remembered their wedding day.

Saturday August 29th 2007

TODAY WAS JOUN'S WEDDING, aaaah it was AMAZING mashalah she looked gorgeous allah etamim 3laihum inshalah. I met 3azzam before the wedding, I use to be the "chaperon" on their dates lool bs he was such a gentleman o kan dyman ys2lny 3n work o 3n my life inshalah one day I get a man like him, or better maybe? Anyways I wore a mauve gown, I liked how I looked I had my hair and make up done with Joun everyone thought I was her sister, and she didnt correct them. A7la part when the men came in, hubba hubba, bs I didnt dare look at anyone ma adre asti7y.

I am gonna miss having her around :( she was always there when I needed her, since jam3a my brothers didnt hit me as much bs marat they were "bored" so they would slap me around.

samar: arooy my friend started working with you bs ehya she meets with the clients

me: Sama2 9a7

samar: ee

me: ee I met her ib a meeting bs maly i7tikak feha *actually mally i7tikak ib ay a7ad ib work, I love that I am in the advertising industry, my work is me and my computer I am on it the minute I walk into work and I log off when its time to leave, sad yes but I love it*

samar: ee she told me shaftich bs ina you were very quiet

me: haha *shagoul?*

mahala: i7na glna we will crack you out of your shell bs I guess we still need time

samar: laa ana agoul byeha wa7id e7ib esolif o y6la3 o ehya ra7 it'3yer 6ab3ha *winking at me, I buried my face on my lap embarrassed at the idea of getting married*

3azzam: banat yalla ta3alaw

me: um wain bnrou7?

samar: bnrou7 nit3sha 7uby shfeech

me: ka2na fe strangers ma a3rfhum

samar: la hatha Bu sul6an, he is a family friend la tist7en ta3aly

Ana ma knt mist7ya ina its a "stranger" ana mist7ya mina uhwa, na'6rata ma kanat itray7 o I was trying to brush them away all night but I just couldnt.

3azzam: 7y allah arooya

me: *blushing* allah e7yeek 3azzam, y36ek il 3fia

3azzam: allah e3afeech, shloun il ahal

me: il 7imdilah, safiraw ilyoum

3azzam: laa *3azzam knew everything o he HATED how they treated me, he didnt have sisters and he would always refer to me as his baby sister*

bu sul6an: shd3wa Bu Mit3b ma 3rftna

joun: wy3a bu sul6an lat7i6oun hal ism ib rasa my baby boy wont be called mit3b

bu sul6an: ahaa, anyways *he turned around and gave me a look that mad mountains move* ana bu sul6an wntay

me: *clearing my throat* Araya

bu sul6an: 3ashat il asamy *I felt my insides move mn his tone of voice*

me: 3ashat ayamik

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, sorry but I had to I just had to scream, WOOW seriously ya3nee WOOW.

joun: hey you dont give her that look of yours hathy my baby sister

bu sul6an: 9ij?

3azzam: laa bs ehya ib '3alya 3laina * he looked at Bu sul6an with a serious tone of voice* o ma ner'6a 3laiha

ana ma fihamt qa9da, why were they being so harsh on him? he didnt do anything right?

We had our dinner, then went inside to join the older man and woman for tea o chats. I loved his aunts, his grandmother was my favorite she showered me with attention. Everyone in his family did, do you blame me for coming?

We called it a night at 1 am, each parting to their designated room. I shared a room with Joun since 3azzam slept bl duwanya with the men.

February 16, 1:21 am

I cant stop thinking about what him, his looks, his features but most importantly the way they all attacked him, maskeen. Bs pixie im surprised ina im thinking about him you know me I never focus on just one person, a9lan i never talk about anyone other than myself, haha that made me sound very self centered 9a7? bs laa you know me. Ma adre I need to stop thinking about him seriously a9lan shb9er baina? b7bny? hahahah yeah sure.

anyways joun is complaining about the light so I guess its time for bed, maly 5ulg work, I wish I can just live here with 3azzam's family
Ifff, I cant sleep o Jouna nyma its 3:20. I grabbed a hoodie because I cant be bothered to wear my bra and walked down the stairs quietly grabbing cocktail juice o headed outside sat down on the sand leaning my back against the pole.

I just sat there listening to the water, it was calming, relaxing. I dug my feet into the sand thinking about nothing in particular I guess I was so preoccupied with my thoughts that I didnt notice him sitting next to me, but what I noticed was his smell.

I flinched, turning to face him. He was just sitting there watching me with an unreadable expression on his face

Bu sul6an (him): I didnt mean to scare you

me: la 3dee *I hope he cant hear my heart*

He turned to face the water resting his head on his prompt up knees. We sat in silence for more than an hour.

him: when I was five I think kna yayen ehny, oboy o obo 3azzam are close friends il muhum kna nazlen il ba7ar wna g3d 3l yal al3ab ma3a o5o leana kan 3umra sina fa mistanis 3l trab, 3azzamo yah o gal ina b6ub ba7ar o gltla laa in6ur obok galy ana rayal o 6b .....

I sat there mesmerized by him, he wasnt looking at me he was looking out at the water, so inthralled in his story I was drugged by his smell, his voice his presence. I quickly brushed the thoughts away and went back to listening to him.

him: g3d ysba7 o shft ina e3rf ysb7 glt okay I guess ina 9ij rayal fa g3dt ym o5oy o ga3d al3ba wna 3ainy itrou7 wtrid 3la 3azzam, galby kan 7as ina b9er shay o 9ij shlt 3aina 3ana for 5 minutes maybe o I couldnt see him gmt o g3dt a9r5 w9ar5 o shft oboy o oboh yarki'9oun o isbo7la o yabo 3l yal wna wgaft w6al3 3azzam o 5ayef ....

He turned to face me and said : ma3ay? I just nodded

him: swola tanfs 9en3y o bda eki7 ana awal ma sm3ta eki7 g6ait rou7y 3laih o lamaita 7ail o gltla itha hathy il rjola ma abeha o g3d y'67k 3ly 3azzamo, ana akbar 5wany o 3azzam akbar mny o kan e5af 3ly fa knt a7is ina o5oy

I looked down smiling to myself, it was random of him to share a story with me. I cant stop smiling but I have to.

him: are you always this quiet

I nodded.

him: I noticed *turning to look at me*

Our eyes locked for seconds, and all I could hear was my racing heart beat.

him: you should leave before anyone sees us together, I dont think they will be too thrilled *he grunted*

I was taken back by his comment, I quickly stood up walking into the shalaih and up to our room. I curled up in my bed with his words ringing in my mind "they wont be too thrilled"

I fell asleep before 6 and was awakened by Joun 3 hours later. I woke up, took a long hot shower, wore my dress and walked down to the dining room I greeted everyone and sat down in the middle of Joun and 3azzam's grandmother.

grandmother: jouno laish matwakloun bntkum shofay wayha a9far *its true* btmout

I was skinny, but not attractive skinny, sick skinny.

me: la yuma akel, bs bsr3a ashb3

grandmother: la la mo 3ly ana hal kalam

She starting piling food onto my plate, I didnt know what to say I think im the worlds finickiest eater. Labna and Bread is my life.

me: walla ma akal kl hal akal bs akel 5oboz o labna

grandmother: ya 7afi'6 bnt fqara

him: 9ab7ch allah bl 5air yal '3alya *kissing the crown of her head*

grandmother: 9ab7k allah bl nour ya wldy ig3ad ig3d

I didnt dare look up at him, I couldnt even listen to what he was saying everything sounded fuzzy.

grandmother: ana na6ritich taklen

me: inshalah *what else could I say?*

him: yuma 5aleha 3la ra7at-ha

grandmother: shofha shloun btmout, tara il rayal yaby wa7da shway matrousa

He laughed, IMAGINE HE JUST LAUGHED!

We finished breakfast and enjoyed a cup of tea together before we started packing up to head back home. I hated this part.

joun: babe tyen baitna?

3azzam: ee btyey o btnam 3ndina

me: *terrified* LAA laa 3azzam walla ma agdar anam 3ndikuma5af eridoun o ma ylgouny bl bait wt9er salfa

3azzam: a9lan ana ma adre laish ma tatrken il bait o tsknen 3ndna lay mita aroya

I just looked at him with my tears eyes

me: they are my family

He walked away furious. Joun hugged me I then got into my car and started my journey back home. I looked up at my rear view mirror and I saw his eyes watching my car as it drove away.
AAAh ya galby.

February 16, 7:40

What a great weekend, okay okay I know I need to cut the crap and admit why I enjoyed my weekend. Him, bu sul6an. But WHY?? aaah shkla he is a player maybe his looks were just looks, nothing more nothing less 9a7? what is getting into me, why am I thinking? WHY! I need to stop this nonsense I dont have time for this. Oh hush pixie I know I have nothing else to do, but I cant go on and plan my life with him when I know nothing about him .... I DONT EVEN KNOW IF HE IS INTERESTED!

Roseline: sunshine

me: hi rosey

roseline: how was the shalaih

me: good, im tired

roseline: I can see, why you look yellow did you eat ?

me: I had breakfast

roseline: ay sunshine why I will make you a sandwich

me: la rosey wala im exhausted I want to sleep I went to office after the shalaih to do some work

roseline: I will bring you milk only

me: okay *who was I to argue with roseline?*

Roseline left my room to bring me my glass of milk, I was so exhausted that I fell asleep the second I placed my head on my pillow. Lights on, diary open. I could hear roseline walking into my room, she tucked me into bed covering me the way I love, she placed a loving kiss on my right cheek, tucked my diary under my pillow and left me to enter my fairy-tale.

Seconds after I fell deep into my sleep, he arrived hugging me tightly to his chest.

me: what took you so long *I asked him, usually I never have a face to the "man in my dreams" he is just someone who protects me, someone who will never lay his hands on me, who will always make me smile but tonight, he had a face, he had a smell, he has his presence.

Bu Sul6an.

------------------------

BU SUL6AN

Laish ga3id afaker feha, laa mo feha ehya bs ib her eyes. Il bnt 3dya, nothing special about her whatsoever but her eyes, aaaah her eyes are penetrated deep in my mind. Mashalah imk7len mn allah, o her dark eye lashes ! Why am I thinking about her.

him: il salam 3laikum

father: w 3laikum il salam hala yuba

him: hala feek, shlonik yal '3aly 3sak ib 5air *kissing the crown of his father's head*

jara7: ys3dly

him: haa jara7o shlonik laish ma yet il kl s2al 3nik

jara7: ri7t shalaih il shabab, shloun 3azzamo *winking at me* o ahlha

him: tamam

jara7: ana aby afham laish im6y7 3ndihum, lykoun 7a6 3ainik 3la wa7da? lw sama7t samora ly ana

him: ist7 3la wyhik jara7o ahla mithl 5awaty

jara7: 5air inshalah

him: wain omy?

father: ib bait yadik, yuba bacher il 3mal ra7 yabdoun shu'3ulhum i7na bnam ib bait yadik omik wl banat ra7aw o ana bacher il 9ub7 brou7 inshalah

him: la, ma adre ashouf e9er 5air inshalah

I went up to my room took my clothes off and took a long shower, every time I closed my eyes I saw hers 5ALA9 bs I cant think about her !

I got into bed o called my mother

mother: aloo

him: hala bl zain, hala bl '3alya hala ib 7beebat galby

mother: bu sul6an youz 3ndy e'6er dg 3ly ana bl ghala6

him: afaa yuma, shlonich

mother: il 7imdilah int shlonik yuma, shloun ahal 3azzam

him: il 7imdilah , s2law 3nkum

mother: s2lt 3nhum il 3fia, obok galik bnam ib bait yadik

him: ee galy ana shakly banam ehny leany agoum 3l 6 7g il dawam o ma arid ila 3l 3 fa aked byey 3ndikum at'3da b3dain arid il bait wnam

mother: bra7tik yuma, ee ta3al tara 3lgt badlitik bl kabt yaboha mn il dry cleaners

him: mashkoura yuma, shloun il banat

mother: mistansen bnamoun ib bait yadik m3a banat 3mik

him: 3yal alah e3eekum 3la iz3ajhum

mother: tadry feny ma askit 3nhum

him: ee 36ehum il 3ain il 7mra, 5ala9 yuma ana shakly banam t3ban

mother: smila 3laik mn il t3b ya bu sul6an, t9ba7 3la 5air

him: wintay mn ahla yuma

One thing no one knows about me, ahly mean the world to me alif il 3alam kla 3shanhum. 9ij 9ij ta3ban aby anam bs mny gader ashelha mn baly ma adre laish a7is inha mi7taja a7ad to take care of her.

5ala9 5ala9 t9b7oun 3la 5air !
Today was ... interesting? Let me tell you what happened, I woke up earlier than usual and had a hearty breakfast because I was starving, adre no big deal I then went to work started my computer, my itunes plugged in my headphones and started my long day at work. Bare with me pixie the interesting part is coming up. Around 12 Sama2 came to me, remember she is Samar's friend she just got hired.

sama2: hii *flashing me a smile as she sat on my desk*

me: ahlain

sama2: araya right? ana sama2 im samar's friend

me: ee hii *um ma adre*

sama2: hiyain b3d, so I was thinking do you wanna go grab lunch so we can bond

okay I dont bond.

me: I would love to but I have so much work to do

She gave me a look, picked up my phone and dialled Dr. 3bdullah's number.

Dr.3bdullah: yes

sama2: Dr.3bdullah, can araya leave the office for lunch? *she looked at me*

Dr.3bdullah: yh akeed she can, la wtha tby the week off b3d ma3ndy man3 *he knew I was a hard worker* bs ib shar6 tybounly '3da m3akum

sama2: akeed shloun ninsa the boss

Dr.3bdullah: ee chithi employees wla balash

She shut the phone and turned to look at me, I had no expression on my face.

sama2: mshaina?

I didnt know what to say, well there wasnt much to say right pixie? So I gave in, grabbed my bag and headed out with her. She offered to drive I didnt say no. We headed to Bredz, I got my chicken wrap and a salad, my bottle of water and sat down.

sama2: So

I just smiled, ya3ne what was she expecting? she wanted me to open up about everything?

sama2: you really are a quiet person arent you?

me: I am sorry

sama2: laish sorry its who you are no need to apologize, so are you an only child?

me: la um ana wa7edat omy o oboy bs 3ndy 2 brothers mn my father

sama2: older?

me: yup you?

sama2: I have 3 other sisters no boys

me: I always wanted a sister, bs il 7imdilah 3ndy joun

sama2: murt 3azzam right?

me: ee

sama2: mashalah 3laiha so sweet I met her a few times very social

me: haha ee mashalah 3laiha she is, 3ksy ana

sama2: if you werent social you wouldnt be talking to me right?

me: haha I guess, bs its cause you are asking me, why did you move here?

sama2: I was working ib a big company o 7sait my work wasnt shining you know, all the ideas I have were rejected so I decided to move you?

me: it was the first place I applied to I never thought I would get it because I had no work experience but I guess I was lucky

sama2: well we are lucky to have you on our team, Dr.3bdullah praises your work a lot

me: he is just nice haha

sama2: he really is, coffee?

me: sure, bs I want to bring treats to the office

I bought pastries for the office, and we headed over to Starbucks to get some coffee. Oh we didnt forget Dr.3bdullahs lunch ! You should be proud of me pixie I didnt think of him once today, arent you proud? No? But okay, he was on my mind, but I kept moving him to the back of my mind. That is where he is going to stay.

For now.

I actually sat down with my employees as we enjoyed our sweet pastries, we talked and can you believe it I actually went home right after that I LEFT WORK ON TIME !

Roseline: you are home on time

me: ee

Roseline: I make you lunch?

me: la rosey I went out to eat im stuffed

Roseline: okay I make chicken nuggets and fries, oh your mother called

me: oh and?

Roseline: mm, she ask about the house and if we bring the mail and about you if you are eating

me: aha, when will they come back

Roseline: she say maybe next week, yala I make lunch also I make chocolate mousse for you

I went up to my room to call her, weird thing is I missed them.

Dialing Mama

mama: aloo

me: hi mama, shlonich?

mama: hala zaina intay shlonich?

me: il 7imdilah, shloun baba o 5wany

mama: klhum zainen, kalamty bait yadich

me: la b3d shway inshalah, mita btridoun ?

mama: walla lail7en ma 7ijazna rada bs maybe around 10 days

me: oh, okay 3yal have fun ma aby a6wil 3laich o salmely 3la il kl

mama: ok, yala bye

I know, that didnt go as bad as usual right? I wonder what he is up to okay sorry sorry bs ma agdar its hard not to think of him.

3azzam Calling

me: hii

3azzam: ahlain, shlounich arooya

me: zaina, inta shlonick

3azzam: il 7imdilah, ha wainich?

me: home laish

3azzam: la mako, mintay yaya 3ndina?

me: embala bs na6ra rosey finishes il chocolate mouse o byekum

3azzam: yala okay

---------------------------------------

BU SUL6AN

Il walda Calling

him: haa yuma

mother: 9ba7 il 5air yala goum yuma

him: aah inshalah

mother: aked ga3id aw adig b3d 10 minutes

him: la dgay bs 20 minutes mo 10

mother: hahah inzain yuma

ta3baaaaaaaaaaaan m3na nayem imbacher 3d ilyoum youm 6weeeeeel bl dawam !!

il walda calling

him: ga3id ga3id

mother: yamdek tyena 7g il ryoug

him: akeed hatha ryoug il walda lo shino ma a6wfa

mother: yala yuma na6renik

I wont admit it, lo shtswoun I wont admit iny fakart feha la o 7lamt feha bs lat5afoun everything was G rated. Bs wain I wont see her until Thursday, hatha itha ra7at il shalaih, lazem adig 3la 3azzamo ashouf if she is coming!

I had breakfast with my parents and headed to work, I dont know if I mentioned but I work in the National Guard so yes ladies I am always in a uniform *wink* la just playing, itha btyebounly Araya ma3ndy mani3.

No?

okay mu mushkila, ana I will find a way I assure you.

jara7: yuma wain il achar?

mother: 3sa allah la y3mek kaho jdamik ya walad

jara7: oho ma a7ib hatha wain il yadity sweta

mother: 3nd o5ok

him: inta wayed 7anan ikel ily jdamik wnt sakit, yuma wain il banat?

mother: Rand lail7en bl jam3a o Asya foug m3a banat 3mik

him: m3laich 2mer bs nadeha aby asalim 3laiha

mother: inshalah yuma

father: yuba shft il 3mal lmn 6l3t?

him: la yuba ma w9law al7en bmur b3dain brou7 il duwanya

mother: yuma laish matnam ehny, al7en kl youm btyena 3l '3da wtrid il bait?

him: ee yuma 3shan il 3mal y7soun fe a7ad bl bait

mother: 3la ra7tik yal '3aly

I NEED TO STOP THINKING ABOUT IT HER!

----------------------

Pixie I think I am seeing things I swear I thought I saw him twice but its not him ya3nee but I think it is, I think I have officially lost my mind. I need to snap out of this I hate that he is slowly controlling my thought. Anyways I am off to bed, I spent the day m3a 3azzam o Joun we watched a movie then ordered in m3na I was stuffed but I didnt dare say no in front of 3azzam.

February 18, 11:20 pm

I dont know how to explain how I feel about today, its a mixture of feelings really but mostly bad. He was in the restaurant today yaay right? but no because he was there to meet his girlfriend, you know who she is? SAMAR imagine, I know I shouldnt be upset BUT I AM devastated, drama queen much? yes I know. Okay here is what happened today.

Joun: bs bnmur samar o bnrou7 okay

me: ee 3de, bs wain the rest of the girls?

Joun: they have a dinner they have to go to o Samar managed to wiggle her way out of it

me: hahaha akeed the girls arent happy about it

Joun: they wont be when they find out

Joun, Samar and I were going out to dinner. I didnt want to go but I had nothing else to do and I just didnt want to stay home, I was just thinking about him and it was annoying me. We were making our way into the restaurant when someone called out for Joun and Samar.

Joun: jara7o

jara7: ya hala ib um 7areb

samar: shlonick jara7

jara7: b5air intay shlonich? ha yayen tit3shoun

Joun: ee walla, jara7 it3rf bnt 3my Araya 9a7?

jara7: ee hala wala

me: hala feek

Joun: yay bro7ik?

jara7: la m3a il shabab twna 5al9en

Joun: ahhaa, 5ala9 3yal inshofik

jara7: m3a il salama

Something about him comforted me, it was as if I have seen him before or no scratch that like I know him, but ma adre mn wain.

me: mino hatha?

samar: 05o bu sul6an

I knew it ! laish ya raby LAISH!! anyways dinner was okay until he came, YES HE CAME !! once again I say laish ya raby LAISH! Joun excused herself to the restroom while Samar and I chitchatted. On her way back to the table she saw him walking in.

Joun: bu sul6an?

him: hala Joun *kan shakla mirtikib*

Joun: what are you doing here?

him: ugh mako walla um kan jara7o wl shabab ehny o glt ala7ig 3laihum bs ma ashoufhum *looking around*

Joun: aha, o laish you didnt call him?

him: um uggh telefony mafy ba6rya ha yaya m3a mino?

Joun: m3a il banat

him: ahaa 3yal I guess brou7

Joun: okay then

Apparently he just stood there for seconds looking around, but what was he looking for ... SAMAR AKEED !!

Samar: shfech 6walty?

Joun: shft bu sul6an haha

6ab3an ana I flinched o dropped the knife onto my plate

Joun: shfeech?

me: um butter fingers *smiling*

Samar: yay brou7a?

Joun: egoul yay bshouf il shabab bs kan wayed mirtikib ashakara imwa3id

na3am?? I was holding the knife so tightly 7sait my finger might snap off. I took a deep breath and looked around at the girls trying to figure out who was he here to see. Every girl in the restaurant looked glamorous, seriously in their body tight skinny jeans, crisp shirts, perfectly done hair, point on make up enhancing their features, with their 10 inch heels that made them look like models, o ana? I had my hair up in a messy bun, no make up except for some blusher, I was wearing a dress, flats o my clutch. I didnt even have ear rings on. I kept my eyes down, if I looked up I would have cried and I cant, no I WONT cry over a man I dont know I DONT KNOW HIM! I looked up at Samar, mashalah she was gorgeous. She had super short wavy hair that worked on her because of her bold cheek bones and jaw line, her hair was light brown matching her eye color. She was wearing a white dress, so simple but she looked gorgeous o all she had on was navy blue eye linear and a thick coating of mascara.

Then it hit me, akeed he is here to see her. I mean what man wouldnt want her, it all made sense she was sitting next to me the day I felt his eyes on me, his eyes werent on me they were on her. It felt like someone punched me in the chest and ripped my heart out. I dont know him adre walla I do, but for the first time in my life my heart skipped a beat when I saw him, for once in my life I noticed someone, for the first time in my life I wanted to get to know someone, talk to them, share with them. I wanted to tell him about my life and everything I have been through.

But no more!

Joun: arooya shfeech 7beebty?

me: nothing I guess I am tired

samar: yala lets pay o leave

-----------------------------------------

Let us see what was happening on Bu Sul6an's side of the world to better understand what actually was going on.

Bu Sul6an Calling

jara7: haa

him: wainik

jara7: mako walla knt at3sha m3a il shabab o twna 5al9en bnrou7 il duwanya, o tadry mino shft

him: mino?

jara7: 7beebat galby

him: jara7o

jara7: haha shft samar o joun o bnt 3m madre bnt 5al joun

him: SHINO?

jara7: shfeek

him: ha ugh laa mafeny shay wain shft-hum?

Ma a9adg bshoufha BSHOUFHA. 6l3t mn bait yady 6yaran o ri7t lihum il ma63am ABY ASHOUFHA lo thanya bs aby ashoufha, LAZEM ASHOUFHA !! d5lt il ma63am o g3dt adwr bain il nas ha wainha, I dont think midahum e5al9oun.....

Joun: bu sul6an?

walain sh-hal blsha lazem I stay cool 3shan matshik feny

him: hala Joun

Joun: what are you doing here?

shbgoul al7en, laish ma fakart feeha ohoo 3d jouno it7b titkalam alah e3eny lazem afaker ib ayshay agolaha 3shan it9adg .... ah 9a7 jara7o kan ehny

him: ugh mako walla um kan jara7o wl shabab ehny o glt ala7ig 3laihum bs ma ashoufhum *looking around*

Joun: aha, o laish you didnt call him?

ya raby, mat3rf taskit okay ashwa telefony ib my back pocket

him: um uggh telefony mafy ba6rya ha yaya m3a mino?

inshalah matshik bs kan so2aly 3de 9a7?

Joun: m3a il banat

7ilfay bs, AY BANAT WAIN ARAYA ABY ASHOUFHA ... ugh shfekum it5zouny la aby ashoufha bs chithi not because I am beginning to like her 9adgouny!

him: ahaa 3yal I guess brou7

MA SHFT-HA SHLOUN MA SHFT-HA

allah e3eny 3la joun

Asya Calling

him: haa asoy

asya: wainik?

him: laish shfeech?

asya: syarty bnchirat o mny 3rfa shasawi

him: wainich? al7en ayech

asya: 3l da2er il thalith 3nd il sh3b

him: yala thwany o akoun 3ndich, itha a7ad yaach golelhum o5oy yay okay? stay in the car o leave it locked sam3a

asya: inshalah yala !

6l3t o seeda 3l thalith 5ayf 3laiha shabab ilyoum alah yaster minhum, we9alt 3nd i5te o 36ait-ha syarty o sawait il bancher o wdait her car to the garage to change the wheel o ri7t bait yady.

Bu 7areb Calling

him: 7beeb galby

3azzam: haa wainik

him: mako ry7 bait yady

3azzam: egoloun imwa3id

him: murtik it7ib it2lf ashya2 shako imwa3id knt ray7 leana jar7o wl shabab kanaw hnak

3azzam: aha, ha inshalah 7ilwa?

him: 3azzamo goul inik mi7tr

3azzam: ee walla mi7tr

him: wain Jouno 3nik

3azzam: foug laish

him: haa la salamtik

solaft m3a shway o awal ma we9alt bait yady 9kaita mna o d5lt ag3d m3a a3mamy shway b3dain ri7t 3nd 5waty o omy b3dain rdait il bait aby anam.

--------------------

ARAYA

I couldnt stop crying, la jd I have been crying for more than an hour now, I dont cry when my brothers hit me, I dont cry when my dad slaps me, I dont cry when my mother calls me ugly and claims no one will marry me because I am ugly I dont, I JUST DONT, bs him, I am crying over him REALLY?? my9eer! I got under my covers laying on my left side, I had my eyes tightly closed and he came, the man in my dreams came to visit me once again but it was him, it was bu sul6an.

"shfeech tbchen" he softly said as he placed his hand on my left cheek
"you need to leave me please" my eyes were still shut but I could see him, I could feel him.
"your tears '3alen 3ly please dont cry" he moved closer to me, I just turned to give him my back and faintly said "go to her, I dont need you, I dont want you" and I entered my deep slumber without him.

he even took over my dreams, the place where I escape, he stole my perfect man, the man I dream about the man who will save me and protect me, but no he had to take him away from me.

I have no one.

"LEAVE ME ALONE"

------------------

BU SUL6AN

Bsmillah, knt nayem o faj2a 7sait ka2na a7ad 36any kf gmt o shft il sa3a its 1:30 al7en shnawmny. Ri7t il 9ala 3shan ayebly my mn il ma6ba6 ily foug o shft jara7o ga3d.

him: ha nayem ehny ilyoum

jara7: ee yady alah ehady mn 9arat il s3a 11 dsh il duwanya o g3d e9ik il laitat o il shabab g3den gltla yady shfeek 3ndy il shabab o gam ezifhum, rdaw baitkum ma 3ndikum ahal

him: hahahaha ya7laila yady

jara7: laa fashlny ga glt anam ehny a7sanly, laish mo nayem

him: knt nyem bs gmt ayebly my

jara7: ee t3al oboy yabena inrou7 nshtery il A5 7g Rand 7g her graduation tyey m3y?

him: ee akeed, bs ay 7za?

jara7: 3l 7

him: 5ala9 na5ith il banat ma3na 3shan ni6l3 nit3sha

jara7: okay, um bu sul6an

him: halaa

jara7: laish ri7t itshouf il banat?

him: haa

jara7: itha int 7a6 Samar ib balik goley wala ma r7 az3al

him: la yuba samar lk inshalah o ehya mar7 tlga a7san minik

jara7: tslam aah mita eyey ilyoum ily itkoun ly

him: int kalim il ahal bl awal b3dain e9er 5air

jara7: awal ma a5al9 my training o abdy wa'6efty inshalah bkalem oboy o omy

him: inshalah

aaaah ya araya yananteny kl shway tyen 3la baly, laish walla mny gader afham!

lazem o9alich.

I wont leave you
I SAW HIM I SAW HIM I SAAAAAW HIM, but you know what bothers me the most pixie, is that I was happy to see him bs laish? seriously laish? After work I headed off to 3azzam's and Joun's for lunch that was what we did every Tuesday, and I would just spend the day with them, my parents hate it but at the end she is my cousin and he couldnt say much, true they might pull my hair, or hold down on my wrist harder than needed but I get to escape right?

So, I parked my car and headed into the house, I never ring the bell its my second home. I open the door and BOOOM I see him standing in the living room holding a dish in his hand. He turned around to face me, and I could have sworn I saw a smile beam on his face, ah ya galby.

me: il salam 3laikum

him: 3laikum il salam, hala araya shlonich?

me: um b5air inta shlonik?

him: il 7imdilah, ugh

shino ugh, was he expecting a conversation ya3ne? well I wanted to, I wanted to just sit down next to him, listen to his soothing voice, hear his stories, get to know him you know?

him: araya I ...

me: I better go upstairs, we wouldnt want anyone to see us together right?

and with that I left, I passed him and headed upstairs to Joun. I bumped into 3azzam on the way he asked me if Bu sul6an ta7at I said yes o bs ri7t 3nd Joun o sat down without mentioning anything. 3azzam didnt either so mala da3y I talk right?

-----------------------

BU SUL6AN

shino ya3ne before they see us together? shino qa9dha? akeed its because of what I said bl shalaih bs ana I didnt mean it the way she took it, ana 7mar marat I say things o people take it the wrong way.

3azzam: haa bu sul6an

him: hala bu 7areb, il walda mitnaq9atlikum 7ilo

3azzam: 7beeby ma qa9art wala tslam 2edha, agoul t'3dait

ANA 7MAR

him: la wala bs ilyam3a ib bait yady na6reny

arid wgolikum 7maaar, al7en araya bl bait fa akeed ra7 tit'3da ma3ahum !

3azzam: 3la ra7tik, 3mamik yg3doun 6ol il youm 9a7 aby amur asalim 3laihum

him: 7yaak, 5ala9 3yal ana ast2thn 3shan ma at25er 3laihum, salim 3la Jouno

arid wgolikum ana 7mar laish ma g3dt !!

--------------------------

After lunch we had our coffee and tea, im a big coffee person I enjoy the flavor and I love the aroma, you see what I am doing right? yes I dont want to talk about him leana ma 9ar shay, shfta salamt knt polite o bs, I cant think about it, my9eer I just wont!

I went grocery shopping afterwards il bait ma fe shay and I need a distraction he is just completely controlling over my thought and this is not me. 6ab3an you know what happened right?

him: araya?

haha now I am hearing him.

him: ahaha araya shfeech?

I turned, and immediately dropped the cantaloupe in my hand. He was in front of me, but he wasnt alone he is with a girl!

me: hala bu sul6an

him: hathy i5ty rand, ranoda araya bnt 3m Joun murt 3azzam

rand: ana agoul wyhich mo '3reb I remember you mn il 3rs

me: sorry I have a real bad memory, sm7ena

rand: la 7beebty its okay it was 3 years ago

him: ha grocery shopping

Laish esolif ???? LAISH do I look like I am a person who talks!

me: ee

him: aha, um 3yal I guess in5alech?

why was he asking? ya3ne shino he was expecting ina bgoul PLEASE STAY ... well I kinda wanted to!

rand: it was great seeing you 7beebty, m3a il salama

me: m3a il salama *smiling*

il 7beeb imtan7 jdamy, he just stood there watching me imagine his sister had to grab his hand and pull her with him. FASHLA, mn zoud ma I felt flushed I left my cart and headed to my car not buying anything. Its that bad imagine, he does that to me and I already know I am weak but being around him makes me just weaker, o the thing is I dont trust him I mean I dont think I trust men except for 3azzam leana you saw the men in my life, what makes me so sure ina he wont hit me?

that he doesnt want something for me and then will leave me!

that is what players do right?

and in the end he is a player,

right?
I didnt go to work today, imagine ME not going to work I have been working for 2 years now never, ha NEVER did I think about taking a day off imagine 7tan the days I am allowed off each year I DONT TAKE THEM, pixie you know me, and now now I am taking a day off, o laish? 3la shino? a guy a guy, fahmeny pixie what is happened to me? I know I keep going on and on about this, and I know you think I am being ridiculous and repetitive but you understand the depth of this matter.

I never liked a guy.

I never thought of a guy, except for the guy in my dreams who isnt a real man.

I never thought about marriage, mr.perfect because I see what marriage is, okay my parents "look" happy but I know they dont even sleep in the same room, I know my dad sneaks out at night, I know my dad comes home sometimes a little tipsy, I know all of this happens. My brothers go through girls, faster than they go through their boxers fa shloun I think of a man. Even 3azzam he is AMAZING in every way shape and form, bs what are the chances that I will get a guy like him, who cares and asks and loves, seriously ya3ne.


I am 23 and I have given up on happiness a long time ago, and my environment only reminds me that happiness for me wont exists, every time I look at the scar on my chin, the scar on my stomach, and the worst scar the one across my whole arm because not only was it a scar, pixie you remember right my brother, Barak, took my hand and burnt it, before pushing me onto the glass table.

If you dont remember, I do.

I cant forget.

Roseline: sunshine why you in bed, wake up for work

me: Rosey maby walla please just leave me alone please.

I gave her my back and covered my self allowing for my tears to drench my pillow "walla I care about you, but please leave me" I instantly went back to bed. Apparently Rosey called Joun worried, and Joun called 3azzam crying WHO at the moment was with of course you guessed it him!

here is what happened....

Jouny 7beebty Calling

3azzam: hala 7beebty

Joun: *crying*

3azzam: shfeech??

Joun dagat 3la 3azzamo o akeed 9ayer shay, walla galby 7s ina b9er shay ilyoum. Alah yaster!

Joun: 7beeby ma adre arooy shfeeha, she didnt go to work ilyoum wala mo 3jbtny

3azzam: 7beebty lat7aten inshalah mafeha ila il 3fia, ana bmurich al7en o inrou7laha okay o b5aleha itnam 3ndina until the weekend wnrou7 il shalaih together

araya? araya feeha shay .. SHFEHA ... al7en shlon b3rif ma agdar as2ila!

Joun: okay 7beeby yala na6ritik

3azzam: bu sul6an ma 3laik 2mer bs wadny il bait

him: 3sa ma shar?

3azzam: mako bs bnt 3m joun ta3bana fa bnrou7 3shan inyebha il bait

b3d 3umry ta3bana, shfeha inshalah feny wla feha .... haa ..... ana shga3id agoul? mn 9ijy

him: matshouf shar inshalah

3azzam: il shar myeek

ana knt mnsd7a on my couch drawing, I am not much of a drawer bs I sometimes try. 3azzam o Joun walked in surprising me !

me: hii

Joun ran over to me hugging me and started crying, she scared me honestly!

me: shfeech?

I looked up at 3azzam who didnt look any better

me: shfeekum?

3azzam: arooya intay ily shfeech you didnt go to work today

me: rosey told you !

3azzam: akeed rosey told us

tara joun is still hugging me crying, you know sometimes I think they treat me as if I am younger than I really am, I mean you see how I am do you really think a 23 year old should act this way?

that was a rhetorical question pixie please dont answer.

me: mafeny shay, I just couldnt sleep b3dain I can afford to take a day off dont you think?

Joun: la feech shay you never take a day off, even after your brothers .....

hit me, say it joun.

3azzam: gomay gomay pack your clothes you are staying with us bacher go to work from our house b3dha inrou7 il shalaih together sam3a?

me: um inshalah dgeega

I headed to my walk in closet, pulling a bag big enough to fit my clothes. I put in a few shirt dresses, flip flops, towel, undies, swimming suite, short and a tshirt, um what else? ee b3dain I packed my creams, "make up", perfume, you know everything I need. I rode with Joun as 3azzam drove my car, he stopped at Golden Chopsticks for dinner.

Joun: akeed mafech shay?

me: ee akeed

I am right?

----------------------

BU SUL6AN

jara7: yanantna shfek mo gader tg3ad

mn 9ijik, staqfar allah i7na ib wekalt audi al7en o baly mo m3a ahaly baly m3a araya, shfeeha? 9ar laha shay, mare'9a? ta3bana? shfeeeha bs bs2l mino?

rand: shfeek 7beeby?

him: salamtich ranoda sorry adre baly mo m3akum sam7eny

rand: its okay, we dont have to go to dinner

him: laa shino aked bnrou7 ana I promised you bs lets sign the papers o namshy okay?

ana 6l3t bara 3shan ashem hawa o ada5nly zgara 3l sare3 o i5ty yat ts2al 3ny, ana wayed close m3a rand, o jara7o o mahala close marat mahala it3amlny mithel oboy leanaha a9'3ar mny ib almost 10 years fa farg baina wayed 3rfen!

il 7imdilah legaina il A5 bl loun ily taby wl options ily tbehum o inshalah within a week she will get, alah ehaneha bl syara inshalah !

ri7na t3shaina o 7awalt iny ma afaker ib araya, bs walla kan 9a3b 3ly ... bs tdroun shly im9abreny ina bacher youm il 5amees fa SHALAIH aywaaa bshoufha !

---------------

After dinner, I took a warm shower then snuggled with Joun on the couch, mm, if joun was to ask me to read my diary I would let her in a heart beat ....

I would let her prior to him, but now I dont know!

Rosey might read my diary, I know she does but she would never say anything !

me: jouny

joun: hala 7beebty

me: how does 3azzam know bu sul6an o jara7?

shftaw shloun I asked about the both of them?

joun: 3my o bu sul6an's father kanaw together bl thanwya o il jam3a o b3dain their kids became friends, every story 3azzam tells lazem bu sul6an feha before we got married knt a7taar lmn esolfly 3na hahah and then I met him and I loved him, I can see why they are close, why the question?

me: I dont remember seeing him bl wedding

aya 3ly 9a7??

Joun: he was bs ma da5al m3a il m3azeem leana he had to travel for work o kan mist2thn mnhum bs 7g il 3rs

me: aha, o was his brother there?

Joun: ee jara7o walked in, uhwa ily we had to kick him out the one who wouldnt stop dancing

me: hahahah ee 3rfta, I didnt know it was him leana kan mitlathem

Joun: I miss my wedding

me: it was amazing la 9ij istansna

Joun: you didnt want to come remember

aa7 she hit a nerve

me: ya well ....

I looked down at my scar, it was hard to miss since it was both a burn and I scar, I got 21 stitches remember?

Joun: sorry 7uby

me: its okay babe, its a reality

---------------

3azzam: haa sharaitaw il syara?

him: ee il 7imdilah

3azzam: ri7t 3nd bassam 9a7?

him: ee ma qa9ar she really wanted a gray car o bl awal galine mako bs il7imdilah lega wa7da

3azzam: zain il 7imdilah

him: ugh bu 7areb shloun araya?

mynoon iny s2lt 36any na'6ra !

3azzam: zaina, laish il so2al?

him: int glt inha ta3bana wnik ri7tlha fa bs so2al

3azzam: shouf bu sul6an int o5oy o 3la 3ainy o rasy bs shel araya mn balik, she is too nice and too pure o too delicate for you the last thing she needs is another man ykserha

him: haa 3azzamo int shg3d itgoul ily ysm3ik egoul iny bl3b 3l bnt tara intaw wayed '6almeny wala m3ndy hal suwalif shfeekum 3ly?

3azzam: mafena shay bs shyfen ib 3aina suwalfik m3a il banat kl shway wa7da daga 3laik o kl youm wl thany 6al3 ma3a wa7da

ana bs yanaaaait, gmt o bdait a9ar5!

him: haa 3azzamo ilzim 7dik, la tg3ad it2lf mn 3ndik, itha int itgoul 3ny chithi il'3reeb shegoul?

o 6l3t mn il duwanya!

alah e3eny 3la bacher!
So I am currently facing the water, enjoying the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. I still have mixed feelings about today to be honest. Let me show you what happened and you can be the judge of the events pixie.

sama2: 7uby laish dawamtay if you arent feeling okay

me: im fine bs ams kint ta3bana shway

sama2: bs wayhich a9far

well good morning to you too!

me: haha wayhe dymen a9far sama2 im not much of a make up person

very bitchy of me right? whatever mafeny ajamel il nas, so I headed to my cubicle, plugged in my ear phones put my itunes on shuffle and began my day of work. I left at around 2, earlier than usual yes but I finished everything so why stay? b3dain both 3azzam o Joun were leaving work early so we do our "junk" shopping before heading to the shalaih.

As much as I would love to be excited like I am every other weekend about going to see my "other family" I cant be, because of him. EE okay I just I dont know, walla I dont. The thing is I want to admit that I like him so that I can act upon that you know? but at the same time what am I thinking, he isnt interested in me the way I am in him, he just sees me as a hmm challenge maybe?

I still dont know what to do about him.

3azzam: wain tboun takloun?

Joun: mm, burger king aby their cheeseburger, arooya is that ok?

me: yup works for me

So we picked up burger king after ma 5al9na mn il jam3ya o we started our hour long journey to our second home. 3azzam said that his aunts wouldnt be coming today because they had a wedding of a friend to attend so it would only be the younger generation. which also means he will be there akeed. You know whats strange o what I want to ask, ina I dont remember seeing him before dont you think thats weird?

I do!

We were one of the first people to arrive, 3azzam took our bags up to our room while Joun and I helped the nannies carry the grocery into the kitchen. Joun started working on making some coffee and tea, while I searched for some snacks to go with our coffee and tea. We set everything outside on the table and we sat down waiting for everyone to come. Within an hour everyone was there, and here comes the point you are waiting for.

him and jara7: il salam 3laikum

all: w 3laikum il salam

3azzam: nwr nwr il shalaih jara7o

adre ina il mafrou'6 ma ayey b3d kalam ams bs ana o 3azzamo mo mn hal nou3, maha gal uhwa b'6el o5oy, bs wala qaharny lmn hala o ra7b ib jara7o

him: wana ya bu 7areb?

3azzam: malaina minik kl isbou3 inshofik

him: afa 5ala9 3yal ana ast2then

Joun: 3n il dal3 ta3al ig3ad

He sat down next to Joun, he was facing me. 6ab3an I didnt peel my eyes off the floor.

Joun: arooya ... arooya

me: hmm

Joun: il ma5ith balich yt-hana fee

tadroun ana shswait? My eyes moved from hers to his and I blushed, seriously!

me: sorry knt sar7ana

Joun: ashoufich, 9ubay chai 7g bu sul6an please

me: inshalah

I sat up to pour him some tea and I asked him how much sugar he wants and he said I like it sweet, flashing me a naughty smile as he said that. What does that mean pixie cause I sure as hell dont know! That was how most of the night was spent, him staring at me while I stared at the floor.

Samar arrived o my heart actually hurt me. They stood up to greet her and she took his seat, which meant I could no longer see him.

Good right?

I will get back to you about that!

3azzam: Joun y3na mita il 3sha b6e7

him: ee walla ya um 7areb

jara7: laa shfeekum 5ala9 i7na mo glna bnsame wldkum Mit3b?

Joun: La la la walla 3azzamo itha samaita mit3b ma akalmik

3azzam: inzain insame 3la oboy

Joun: LAA thats even worse, ana ra'6ya ib 7areb

3azzam: mm e9eer 5air ha baby wala yo3an!

Joun: yala dgeega arou7 ashouf

me: im coming with you

him: 5ar3taw il bnt

na3am?

I just looked at him and smiled.

many gadr abe akalmha abeha itsolif laish sakta!!

3azzam: bul shabab

ana bs '6e7kt, 6b3an jara7o ma shal 3aina 3n Samar whya kanat mist7ya!

him: jara7o bsik, ga63t il bnt wnta it5izha

jara7: malik shu'3ul inta shouf shu'3lik o 5alny m3a 7beebty samora

6ab3an we were whispering, 9aber what did he mean by that?

him: 9aber 9aber shqa9dik?

jara7: laa salamtik

he looked at Araya who was heading towards us

me: tf'6law 3l 3sha da5el

ya b3d 3umry ana la7a'6t ina ma dshat da5el, misht 9oub il yal. Ana wa5art 3nhum shway o swait rou7y bdig 3la a7ad, o ni6art lain il kl dsh da5el o ri7tlaha.

him: mintay mit3shya

n6at mn mukanha

him: sorry ma kan qa9dy a5ar3ich

me: um la 3dee, o la ma aby at3sha

lafat wyha o radat itjabl il ba7ar, il bnt waraha salfa !

him: itha mo 3jbich il 3sha agdar ayeblich shay thany itha tben

me: la mashkour bs mny mishtahya akel

him: bs ma kalaitay shay

me: shdarak?

him: haa, la bs la7a'6t ina ma kalaitay shay bs shrbtay qahwa o mo zain lazem taklenlich shay

me: shway o adish

him: tbeny a5alech

me: La

I dont know what I was doing !

him: *flashing me a smile* mm shofay ana bdish at3sha leana il 9ara7a yo3an o ma aby ..

me: adre ma taby a7ad eshoufna, 5ala9 just leave me alone 3dee

mishat 3ny, galatly hal klma o misht 3ny! ana l7gt-ha o misakt edha o kan shaklha 5aayfa!

him: araya ana ...

me: HDNY!

him: shfeech

me: *Crying* please hdny latjesny wala ma swait shay wa5er 3ny

ana knt wagef min9idim, mny gader atkalmn wlany gader ashel edy 3nha

jara7: BU SUL6AN hd il bnt shfeek

jara7o ya o wa5ar edy whya bsr3a rk'6t da5el

him: lazem akalmha

jara7: shfeek yanait, masik il bnt chithi whya tbche ishtabe feha

him: lazem akalmha jara7o

jara7: shouf hathy mo mithel il banat ily int mt3wd 3laihum, hathy '3air warha '6aher o isma 3azzam tadre lo dara bly 9ar ythbi7ik

ana 36aita na'6ra o mishait 3na hm o5oy 3bala iny mn hl nou3!

------------------------

I used the back door to go up to the bathroom, locked the door behind me and cried. 7tan uhwa he wants to hit me, he wants to hurt me laish? ana ma swait shay! There was a vase in the bathroom set on a table I accidently dropped it and saw the pieces shatter in front of me! I looked at the piece of a sharp broken shard and without even thinking I grabbed it, pulled up my sleeve and started cutting myself, the deeper I went the more I felt.

The only time I felt something was when I bled, and now I was bleeding. I watched the blood oozing out of my open wound, and I started to feel woozy. I took a towel and wrapped it around my arm and headed into bed. I wanted to sleep and not wake up.

3azzam: Jouny 7beebty bnrou7 il qahwa shay o raden

Joun: okay 7beeby

samar: wain araya

Joun: kanat bara

samar: la I dont see her, ill go upstairs to see her

Samar walked up the stairs not expecting to see what was waiting for her. She opened my bedroom door and saw me laying under the covers no big deal right? She came closer to me and saw my pale white face.

Very big deal.

She was terrified.

samar: araya *shaking me* arooya please gomay

I managed to open my eyes just enough to see her, but she wasnt the person I wanted to see and quickly shut my eyes! She removed the covers hoping it would wake me, but she saw me drained in my own blood.

samar: JOUN *screaming* JOUN SOMEBODY

the girls ran up to see me.

him: shfeekum?

Laaaaa!!!!

him: shfeeha joun shfeeha sh9ayer

Joun just stood there crying. He ran over to me carrying me in his strong arms, I smelt him and managed to open my eyes to see him. He looked worried 7beeby. I said it okay! Joun, Samar and him took me to the hospital while Joun talked to 3azzam to tell him what happened.

Joun: dictora please 6amneny 3laiha

Dr: are you family?

Joun: ee ana bnt 3mha

Dr: tf'6elay m3y shway, wala ma adre shagolich ahlha e6iqounha?

Joun: ....

Dr: ana ma ra7 atkalem ana ily hamny 9u7at il bnt, she is depressed its clear and I saw the scars covering her body thats not normal, and they arent all just accidents right?

Joun just looked away with tears stinging her eyes.

Dr: shofay il bnt is missing 7anan, o 7ub o a7ad yhtam feha

Joun: inshalah dictora lat7aten ill take her of her!

ana shft Joun idish 3nd il dictora, fa ri7t to see her I didnt care if samar saw me I just had to see her. wegaft 3nd rasha o wa5rt sh3rha 3n wayha

me: bu sul6an

g3dt yamha o misakt edha

him: 3youn bu sul6an, shfeech 7beebty

me: bu sul6an

him: kany yamich

me: dont leave me

please dont leave me
3azzam o jara7 came storming into the hospital, and the first thing they saw was his blood drenched shirt, and the girls sitting down crying. 3azzam ran over to Joun cupping her face with both his hands. It broke his heart to see her like this, she meant everything to him. He proposed to her 9 times, each time her father said no until the last time she faced her father and told him she wanted him. Even when they first got married, her parents didnt make things easy for him but he put up with everything for her.

3azzam: sheefha aroya 7beebty?

Joun just looked up at him, eyes swelled with tears. She couldnt take it anymore, she wrapped her arms around his torso pulling herself close to him. She wasnt strong, he made her strong. She placed her hand on his chest, every inhale comforting her, every exhale calming her down.

3azzam: is she okay?

he asked Samar o Bu Sul6an, they both nodded. They all waited for me until I woke up, and then they took me back to the shalaih. The ride was awkwardly silent. I knew what they were thinking, they were wondering what I was thinking slitting my arm open.

I dont think I was.

I looked out at my window and I saw him looking back at me, he look defeated.

scared.

worried.

He was concerned.

I smiled to him, he smiled back.

3azzam: yo3ana?

me: la

I guess Joun couldnt take it anymore, she turned around to face me, her eyes fiercer than any villain.

Joun: stop it okay, just stop it stop being stubborn, stop being a child, stop trapping yourself in your little world where you wont let anyone in, just stop it if you dont give a fuck about your health and about yourself, I DO OKAY !

wow, I looked back at her with a straight face, honestly pixie I was not expecting that but she was right I guess, I just tried to kill myself completely disregarding how she would feel. All I was thinking about was being able to feel something.

He drove me to that!

I hate him!

I HATE HIM!

3azzam: baby 5ala9 5aleha

Joun: la she needs to stop acting like a lost kid

I LOVE how they are talking about this in front of me, WOW!

3azzam: she isnt a lost kid, bs she has a lot to deal with

Joun: w7na?

me: you do know I am in the car right?

3azzam: 5ala9 we will figure this out later

I guess I dont matter, so we9alna il shalaih o as a child they sat me down and made me some pasta with bread crumbs, olive oil, olives and parsley, one word. Yum! So I ate my whole plate, had a glass of cold milk and nibbled on a cupcake. I guess I was hungry. We all sat down outside since the weather was amazing. No one said much, they all watched me silently. I didnt care, it was quiet and thats all I wanted.

An hour later I excused myself to "sleep." He looked at me, as if he wanted to ask me something. I headed into the kitchen for a bottle of water, then made my way down the hallway to go up the stairs when I see him waiting at the top of the stairwell.

him: good ma nmtay

me: ybtle my 36shana

him: ugh, btnamen aw I ... um ...

me: do you want to ask me something?

him: I want you to meet me 3l ba7ar I need to talk to you

me: about what?

him: ha la I just want to talk to you my9er?

me: la e9er

I was actually blushing.

him: okay um 3yal ill see you later?

So here I am sitting in bed writing down the events of today, im waiting until everyone falls asleep so I can sneak out to meet the guy I am crushing on, whom I possibly might be falling for whom I dont even know if he is interested or just playing around.

O yeah whom I cut myself for, mm yeah that pretty much sums it all up in a sentence.


So, I went to see him, just got back actually so yes I spent all that time with him. I didnt even feel the time fly by I just wanted to sit next to him 7tan if we didnt talk it didnt matter to me as long as I was next to him.

Everyone was asleep by 1:30, I just realized ina they sleep early ANYWAYS, so after making sure the coast was clear I made my way outside to him. He was already sitting by the water, deep in thought enjoying a cigarette, he looked OH SO FINE! I parked my behind next to him leaving a good distance between us.

him: 3baly nmtay

me: la bs knt na6ra il kl enam

He took a last drag of his cigarette before dropping it into an empty bottle of water. I smiled, he cared about the environment. He moved closer to me o 7sait shway awkward, but I didnt say anything.

He was just staring at me, and I was looking out at the water.

him: here

handing me his hoodie

me: mo bardna

lie I was freezing

him: laish il 3nad just wear it!

So I took his hoodie o wore it, but here is the bad thing I couldnt help but inhale in his scent aaah my drug it made EVERYTHING disappear, it made me forget my name and where I was! It just made me feel amazing!

It took me a few minutes 3la ma istw3bt ina he was watching me as I was sniffing his hoodie, great!

him: I know it smells bad

me: bl3ks I love how it smells

yes pixie I said that

him: so you love the way I smell

I looked up at him, then moved closer to him. He let out a deep sigh.

me: shfeek?

ma a9adig g3da ts2lny shfeny, she is talking 7dy mistanis!

him: salamtich, bs g3d afaker

me: ib shino?

feech!

him: something you said in the hospital

shit, I was passed out cold, what did I say?

me: um what did I say?

him: you kept saying my name

FASHLA

hahaha fashalt-ha!

me: I dont remember

him: so why did you do what you did?

mm, because of you?

me: I dont know can we drop it please

him: inshalah, so tell me about yourself

me: um, im 23 I graduated mn KU got my degrees in advertising, I work in an ad agency I have 2 older brothers from my father um oh bs

him: that cant be all

me: what do you want to know?

him: your birthday

me: March 13th

him: favorite disney cartoon

me: beauty and the beast

him: favorite color

me: black

him: why so dark

me: its a mysterious color

him: like your personality

me: I am not mysterious

am I ?

him: I think you are, do you mind if I smoke

me: you just smoked

him: 5ala9 mo ila

me: sorry ma kan qa9dy bs itha tby its okay

him: la a9lan I need to cut back wayed ada5n

me: adree

him: shdarach? have you been watching me?

nazalt rasy o I nodded. He moved closer, our bodies were now touching!

him: 6al3eny

rf3t rasy to look at him, wow he had dark eyes, but they had a shine to them oh it was sexy.

him: why have you been watching me arooya

me: ma adre

him: what else have you noticed?

me: um, every time you smile, you casually bite down on your lips for a less than a second, when you take the first drag of your cigarette you close your eyes and you have an out of body moment then you come back and run your hands along your face o bs

him: bs?

me: haha sorry I am not weird I just like watching you

him: I like watching you too

me: I know

him: haha am i that obvious?

me: sometimes, bs 3dee

him: so 3ajbitch?

me: Im not saying

him: yala 3d ryte

I looked up at him, this time I didnt remove my gaze I just starred back at him, I was taking in his features, trying to read his thoughts, trying to figure him out. He was leaning closer to me, his gave shifting from my eyes to my lips and he did it again, he bit down on his lips. I think I just died and went to heaven 3la hal 7araka.

jara7: bu sul6an

I quickly moved away from him hugging my knees to my chest.

him: wagtik al7en, dgeega

he got up to talk to his brother.

him: 5air

jara7: shga3id itsway?

him: isnt it clear?

jara7: you were going to kiss her if I hadnt walked in

him: shino kiss her g3den insolif

jara7: faker 3del hathy mo ay bnt

him: theb7atny ya3ne 3azzamo byr'6a lo dara 3nik o 3n samar, araya bnt 3m Joun samar it9er bnt 3ma uhwa

jara7: okay bs ana wnt 3rfen ina Araya '3air 3nd 3azzam

him: tby shay?

jara7: just be careful

mny la3ib 3l bnt shfehum 3ly!

me: is everything okay?

him: ee dont worry

me: bs shaklich mit'6ayig

him: la wala mafeny shay

g3dna insolif for an hour or so then at 4 I started yawning I was exhausted. I wanted to rest my head on his shoulder.

him: shaklich t3btay

me: ee im sleepy

him: yala gomay

he stood up, and pulled out his hand to help me stand up. I was facing him, our bodies close, I could feel his heart accelerating, no wait that was my heart. He cupped my face make me look up at him.

him: I dont want you to hurt yourself again

I just nodded

him: 3shany

me: inshalah

He brushed my lips with his thumb then planted a kiss on my right cheek, it was dangerously close to my lips. He held my hand and led me to the back door.

him: t9b7en 3la 5air

me: winta mn ahala

I turned to walk away but he pulled me and hugged me tightly.

It was what I needed.

I hugged him back never wanting to let go.

him: wain bosty?

he cheekily said just as I was about to open the door. I completely ignored him and ran up the stairs and into bed.

what an amazing night, excluding the whole cutting myself of course.

I hate to admit it was worth it.

I am exhausted, I need to get some sleep now.
Good morning pixie, ah good morning indeed my god you know I havent slept yet, how can I sleep when I keep thinking about him. Every few minutes I would put my hand on my cheek where he kissed me and I would close my eyes to remember how it felt aaaah ya galby!

Joun: good morning

me: good morning

Joun: someone is in a chirpy mood

me: 3dee, yalla lets have breakfast im hungry

We got dressed and headed down. He wasnt there yet, I was disappointed but I was hungry so no time to dwell.

us: 9ba7 il 5air

everyone: 9ba7 il nour

the aunts and the grandparents have just arrived and they brought amazing treats for breakfast. I poured me a cup of cinnamon and saffron tea, yummy, I took a piece of bread smothered it with cheese and jam, rolled it up and just as I was about to take a bite.

him: 9ba7 il 5air

ah ya galby

everyone: 9ba7 il nour

guess where he sat down? IN FRONT OF ME, I just froze there sandwich midair, eyes wide open, jaw dropped you know why?

Not because he walked in, no.

He walked in wearing his black trunks and nothing else.

What is he trying to do to me?

LAISH?

Joun: arooya shfeech you stopped eating

il 7mar looked at me flashing me the naughtiest smile ever.

I just ignored her and starting chewing on my food, then gulped down my tea. He didnt take his eyes off me, la jd he DID not take his eyes off me. I feel my insides burn mn zoud ma knt mist7ya.

The guys got up and headed to the water to unload their jet skis. The children and their floaters headed out for their day on the shore where they built their sand castles and enjoyed watching the schools of tiny fish swimming up to shore.

The girls were going to get some groceries before diving into the water, I was feeling shway woozy so I decided to lay down to rest my body since I cant swim with my stitched hand. Joun layed down next to me.

Joun: shfeech?

me: dont you miss 3azzam

Joun: shloun ya3ne?

me: I mean you sleep next to him all week bs when we come to il shalaih you sleep here o he sleeps bl duwanya or in another room

Joun: 3dee, a break from him

me: sure tell me how you met

Joun: growing up I was never interested in having a boyfriend aw iny akalim you know, o I use to hear some of my girlfriends talking o complaining 3n the men in their lives fa knt a7is mala da3y ya3ne, o whenever I saw a hottie, he would just be a hottie you know I would never think aw feel anything until I saw 3azzam ana knt ib my sophomore year bl jam3a whya kan mu3ed o his uncle was my doctor o the two of them were real close since 3azzam akbar his cousins fa after our class 3azzam would always be outside waiting for his uncle 3shan eridoun il bait since they were neighbors

me: okay

Joun: one day, I got my paper back o kan maktoub "see me after class" so I waited for class to finish o ri7tla he was collecting his things 3shan he leaves he was working on a publishable article o he wanted me to help him out o he was explaining the different topics and the research behind the paper and how I would get credit for it o honestly it was such an honor ina he would think of me, we headed out o 3azzam was there o he introduced us o g3dna about half an hour bs insolif

3azzam: 9arlna sa3a wagfen bl shams lo ry7en mukan a7sanlina

Dr: sorry Joun I took up your time

Joun: la dictor 3dee, you have my email o itha tgdar send me the topics ilyoum so I can look over them bl weekend

Dr: inshalah, 3yal inshofich youm il athnain inshalah

Joun: inshalah, m3a il salama o fur9a s3eda 3azzam

me: inzain ?

Joun: mako a few weeks later I was sick and we had a paper due fa ri7t il jam3a na6ra bara il class 3la ma e5al9 so I hand in my paper and explain why I didnt attend, o shft 3azzam bara o he was worried

3azzam: shfeech Joun shaklich t3bana

Joun: ee walla im not feeling well bs yaya a36e 5alik my paper

3azzam: laish yetay you could have just emailed it to him

Joun: la mahma kan I have to explain to him laish ma yet il class

3azzam: 36eny your paper o I will give it to him o intay rday il bait irta7ay!

Joun: 3azzam shfeeck?

3azzam: Joun laish you turned me down

Joun: ha?

3azzam: my mom called your mother o galat inich raf'6atny, bs aby a3rf laish

Joun: 3azzam ma7ad galy, my mother didnt talk to me

3azzam: 3yal laish?

Joun: ymken leany lail7en bl jam3a

3azzam: she could have said that, Joun ana mst3d an6erich lain tit5arjain bs golely intay ra'6ya

Joun: arooya 7sait everything around me stopped o it was just me and him, I smiled to him in approval o 9irna inshouf b3'6 almost everyday bl jam3a o I knew he was serious since his mother called my mother so I took his number bs ma kan e5alny I call him when I am home we would just message o that would only happen when I was in my room alone 3shan ahaly myshikoun imagine!

me: aw eyanin!

Joun: 9a7 7yatie tadren his mother would call 3shan ta56ubny every 4 months for 2 years ahaly kanaw egoloun la o I knew about it bs I wouldnt say anything

me: b3dain?

Joun: 3azzam I dont think we should stay together, 2 years o ahaly mo ra'6en ly mita y3ne?

3azzam: bs ana a7ibich

Joun: o hm ana a7ibik bs ma agdar

me: what?!!

Joun: ee walla we broke up o everyday I would cry, o thank god ina ma knt ashoufa bl jam3a bs it was torture, every step I took everywhere I went knt atlafat 5yfa ashoufa leana I dont think I would have been able to take it

me: 7yatie

Joun: He kept beginning his mother to keep calling bs she refused, they called a total of 8 times imagine o my parents just wouldnt change their mind, he moved to his grandmothers house, mama 9al7a, o kil youm kan yashkelha wgolaha o kanat itgoula ina mafy n9eb insaha

me: okay b3dain

Joun: A year passed o everyone at work noticed ina I am finally back to normal when my parents call me in and ask me if I wanted him o I told them yes I do bs I if they dont then its fine, my dad said 5ala9 its clear ina uhwa ybney o shareny fa okay apparently mama 9al7a called baba o she told him everything ina il walad ma yakel wla enam bs efaker feha

me: I want a story with my husband

I knew that shocked her leana I never talk about marriage

Joun: oh, is there someone in your life?

hahaha wouldnt you love to know?

Joun: you would tell me wouldnt you

me: of course, emshay lets go outside absorb some sun

Well, I missed him I wanted to see him. We headed outside, I sat on the shore with the children as Joun jumped into the water to join 3azzam. I looked around and couldnt find him, my heart started beating faster.

A million thoughts rushed in my mind.

I tried not to think about it, tried to enjoy my time with the children as they covered my feet with sand and played with hair calling me their princess.

him: a7la princess b3d

he said that as he passed my heading to the cooler to grab himself a bottle of water. A few seconds later I see 3 jet skis pass in front of the shalaih.

What pissed me off was that they were girls, he stood next to me looking out at them and smiling.

na3am??

adree g3da it5izny bs bsawe rou7y mo shyfha

I looked up at him waiting for him to look at me, bs il 7beeb shakla mistanis 3la hl 9y3at. I got so pissed ily I excused myself from the children o went to take a walk. I first headed into the outside kitchen to grab me popsicle and just as I was about to walk out of the empty kitchen he pushes me against the wall.

me: ....

him: 6al3ny

me: maby

him: 6al3eeny

he was just standing in front of me, I could feel the water dripping from his body around my feet, I could feel the heat radiating from his body, I could smell him, I was looking away I couldnt look at him.

aby alimha, aby amsikha abeha itkoun yamy o bs

him: rytee

me: mm

him: shfeech?

me: why are you here? go look at the girls

him: it'3aren?

me: laish a'3ar

him: you tell me

me: bu sul6an

him: aaah ya galby 3youn bu sul6an, rou7 bu sul6an goly esmy mara thanya

me: maby

him: itrideny, ahoun 3laich?

why, kill me now please I cant take it anymore!

me: bu sul6ab

him: hala oboy

me: a5af a7ad eshoufna

awal mara adre iny dalo3a

bmout mn dala3ha

him: 5yfa a7ad eshoufna aw 5yfa asawe feech shay

shino ya3ne?? he wants to hit me?

me: what are you going to do, please dont hit me

I tried to move away from him, bs he was too close to me I was terrified !

shfeeha 5yfa, shako a6igha shfeeha !

him: rytee I am not going to hit you, laish I hit you

me: please wa5er 3ny

he backed away and let me run out of kitchen, but stopped

me: bu sul6an im ....

him: ro7ay araya before a7ad eyey wshoufna

he didnt even look at him, I just ran up to my room and hid under my covers!

what am I doing, he wont hit me.

He cant hit me.

Right?
After my mini incident with him, I ran up to bed and fell asleep I was exhausted. Apparently I over slept and Joun came to check up on me.

Joun: 7uby you okay?

me: mm bs t3bana

Joun: you have a fever hun do you want me to take you to the hospital?

me: la maby t3bana aby anam shway

Joun: we are going to mcdonalds for dinner ayeblich shay?

me: la mo mishtahya

Joun: okay keep your phone next to you o call me if you need anything okay

me: inshalah

I actually dont remember that conversation happening but I remember sleeping.

3azzam: ha is she coming?

Joun: nope she has a slight fever fa btnam

feha fever o im5alenha shloun? ana mny raye7 m3ahum lazem ashoufha

3azzam: i7na m7na im6wlen o 3maty mwjouden yala imshaw

him: ana mo yo3an brou7 shalaih wld 5aly o ayekum bilail

jara7: 5ala9 ana ayekum ehnak b3dain

him: okay

ana ri7t 9oub il ba7ar ada5n o na6rihum yamshoun 3shan arou7laha, il mushkila il kbar g3den da5el fa lazem arou7 il back door.

awal ma mishaw I slowly headed to the back door, quietly going up the stairs 5ayef a7ad eyeny aw eshoufny! we9alt foug o wegaft ma adre ehya ib ay room nyma, walain fa gmt o ft7at every door until I found her in the last bedroom, I opened the door o wegaft 3nd ras-ha

me: Jouny wala ma aby akel bs aby anam

him: ma tabny?

she opened her eyes slightly o shaftny b3dain she smiled, g3dt yamha 3l bed o I was watching her. '6alaina yimken 10 minutes bs in6al3 b3'6

him: laish ma ri7tay il dictor?

me: mafeny shay

him: feech 7arara

he touched my forehead to check my temperature and I shuddered

him: za3lana 3ly

me: la, ana knt 5yfa inik inta za3lan 3ly

him: ma agdar az3l 3laich

she closed her eyes shaklha kan t3ban

him: tbeny a5alech trta7ain

s2lt-ha bs bsr3a imskt 2edy o kanat 5yfa

me: la please latrou7 ig3d 3ndy until I sleep

him: inshalah

rf3t il cover o insid7t yamha whya 7a6at ras-ha 3la 9adry o namat wna g3dt al3b ib sha3ra, 5ayef mn sha'3ltain iny anam o ina a7ad edish 3laina, ehya namat o yumken 20 minutes later msktny 7ail I shaklha 7almana, bst ras-ha, o ma gdart amsk rou7y, bst 5adha o shway shway nizalt lain her lips, mashalah kanaw pink.

First I brushed her lips with my fingers o she smiled, 5ft inha 7sat bs la kanat nyma b3dain nazalt rasy o 76ait my lips 3la hers o I left them there I wanted to taste her, b3dain I hugged her tightly 7sait ra7 akser her bones bs I didnt care I just wanted to have her in my arms.

g3dt sa3a ma3aha o 7sait lazem a5aleha al7en leana aked byoun o lazem arou7 shalaih wld 5aly 3shan ma7ad eshik I kissed her one last time o she opened her eyes bs I dont think 7asat feny

me: btrou7?

him: lazem arou7 aked byoun

me: dont leave me please

him: I wont bs abech trta7ain al7en 3shan ashoufich il laila leana bacher bn7ader okay?

I just nodded when my insides were in tears.

he got up to leave, and I sat up on my knees and called him.

me: bu sul6an

him: hala galby

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